Sub Rosa: Pink Saga
by kayura sanada
Summary: 2nd. Duo's living with Heero now, and the month is almost up. But Duo's past forces him to make a desperate choice - how will it affect his chance of a future with Heero? 1x2, 3x4, 5xS Sequel up!
1. Catch 22

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is still not mine. Dammit.

Note: And why does everyone think a certain fear of Duo's is unfounded??? (hehehe...)

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter One

Catch-22

* * *

So far, everything was going as I'd planned.

It had been three weeks ago that Heero had talked me into staying. Trowa had made it no secret that he wanted me gone and only tolerated my existence for Quatre. Quatre had been so happy to hear that I was staying, he'd practically missed my condition. He was upset to hear that I was only planning to stay for one month, but he jumped right back onto his feet... figuratively, at least. He and I were both stuck on wheelchair detail. Wufei had come over and spoken to Heero for a time, but they'd eventually broken apart and turned to me, giving me their full attention.

One more week, and the subject would come up. I'd planned things perfectly, and so far everything was going smoothly. With my grudging acceptance of situations and attempts to make the best of things, even Heero had lost his suspicions. Slowly I'd let my laughter sound more natural. Slowly I'd started making more natural jokes. Every once in a while I would pause and look confused. I would stare at those around me in semi-wonder. It was working perfectly.

But surprisingly... I was finding it hard to believe I was faking it.

Wufei was still sarcastic and funny. Quatre was still as bubbly and kind as ever. Trowa was stand-offish, but I'd accepted that such would be the case before I found myself crossing the threshold into Heero's house.

But the most wonderful, the most agonizing part, was Heero. He fucking doted on me. When I starting wheeling my sorry-ass self over to the fridge, Heero would get up and grab whatever it was I wanted. He learned quickly what I liked and what I didn't and altered his shopping to include foods and drinks that appealed to me. He tolerated my worst moods, fake or real. He smiled. God, did he smile.

More often than not, I felt the pain tear through me, over and over, like Prometheus' cursed hawk was eating at _my_ liver instead of his. At night, alone in Heero's spare room, the pain came to overpower me. I never cried, I would never be so weak, but God did it hurt. During the day, I had my smile to hide behind. But at night, I had nothing but my fears and sorrow. They were no defense.

But I would continue, because Heero wasn't crying.

* * *

It was almost lunchtime now. I was alone for only the third time in three weeks. Heero had reluctantly returned to work this week. It was a blessed relief. Instead of my happy music, which was all I let myself listen to while Heero was around, I was free to mope to my sadder tunes and release some of the pain before it swamped me that night. I was happily pouting with Three Days Grace when the bell rang.

It was nothing new to have one of the guys visit randomly. Apparently all hours were acceptable within their little circle, which was incredibly tight. I was only beginning to realize what they'd all spoken of during our mission. They _had_ all gotten close. Very close. More like a tight-knit family than a group of ex-Gundam pilots. It would most likely be Quatre, carrying some sort of fancy food, with Trowa standing stoically behind him. I opened the door with a wide smile, hoping neither listened to the lyrics of my music.

But Quatre and Trowa weren't waiting behind the door. Instead it was, of all people, a UPS driver. "Hello. Are you Duo Maxwell?"

I was surprised. No one other than the pilots and Une should know where I was. "Yeah." My bounty hunter instincts kicked in. This couldn't be good.

"Could you sign this, please?"

"Sure." There was no way I was using my usual signature. I scribbled chicken-scratch on the electronic board he gave me and accepted the small package. Once he was back in his truck, I turned to the box and carefully lifted it to my ear. No ticking, but that didn't mean much. I got out Heero's toolbox and investigated the box. I couldn't find anything wrong. With a deep breath, I opened the box.

Bubble-wrap.

Harmless enough, I thought, but then again, maybe not. I gently moved the wrapping, making sure not to pop anything. But there was no bomb inside.

There was a card.

I froze, immediately recognizing it. I hadn't chosen to make a stupid-ass symbol for my code name, but Une had insisted I have one. It was as ridiculous as the notion. Black Strike had become a black lightning bolt. I detested it.

Still, it was impossible to misunderstand it.

I picked up the card and flipped it over.

I found you.

Well, this was bad. Apparently someone knew where I was.

I looked around. Heero's living room, into which I had gravitated, was a comfortable place now. I didn't want to leave-

I didn't want to leave.

As much pain as I was in, I was in an equal amount of comfort. Stability, for the first time in my life, was in my grasp. I had already begun to place down roots for the first time in my life.

But for the safety of everyone, it was time to go. No joke this time.

I stared down at the box. Such an innocent-looking piece of shit. Why _now_? Of course, it was obvious. It was _because _I had begun to put in roots. I had never stayed in one place for such a long time. And as the number one bounty hunter, it was expected that I would have made enemies. Wasn't that a reason I had never made friends on my travels? Because of this.

I sat down on the sofa and just... moped. Nickelback's "Someday" was just making everything worse. Would Heero's smiles disappear if I left? I couldn't let that happen! I had sworn that I would never let Heero cry again. What if I left now? When Heero had begun to move _with _me instead of around me. When we were once again becoming... friends.

I snapped up from my seat and started pacing. Heero. He was the one I would have to worry about the most. The man was astute. He would see. I couldn't hide the box. So what could I possibly say to him? I was asked to perform another mission? Plausible. It may even help to explain my impending absence. Of course, it would be expected that I would return.

But if I did, how long would it be before someone else found me? Damn. I really shouldn't have survived Harlow's bullets. Things would be so much easier if I had...

But then again, it would have made Heero cry.

I glared at the card in my hand. Why? And what was more important? Surely Heero's smile was important, but his life was paramount. Then again, Heero, of all people, could handle himself.

I clutched my stomach and carefully returned to my wheelchair, regretting my momentary lapse of intelligence. I, on the other hand, couldn't handle a half-beaten puppy at this point. I was totally and completely helpless. If I left, I would be caught and killed quicker than it took to breathe. If I stayed...

Who was it? I wondered. Who had I left alive that was able to track me down? Granted, I may not have hidden myself well enough, but who in the hell had found me?

Should I tell Heero? He'd be more prepared if he was informed, that was for sure. Then again, if I wanted to skip out, I shouldn't tell him until – or maybe after – I had packed my bags and hopped in a taxi. So I should at least wait until I knew what I would do.

Besides, he wouldn't attack yet. He was warning me, meaning he _wanted_ me to react. If I left, he may target everyone. Dammit. What was I going to do?

First things first: I needed to rip this damn card to shreds. I did just that, then rolled myself into the kitchen and tossed the pieces into the trash. Then went the box, unharmed. If nothing else, whether I lied or not, it would explain any brooding I was caught doing.

I returned to the living room and switched folders. I had to listen to something else, and quick. Feeling inexplicably tired, I changed it to 'Night' and went the hell to sleep, right there on the couch.

* * *

"_Duo, what do you want for dinner?"_

_I looked over to him, surprised. Heero hadn't asked that the first week at all, feeding me a bunch of healthy-tasting crap that Quatre had ordered for me. But now he was watching me with a small smile. The pain reared, my heart in its grip, as I stared into those eyes. His deep eyes were crinkled just a bit in a smile, shining. He was so beautiful. "Uh, I don't care."_

"_Hm." Heero cocked his head slightly. His aura radiated contentedness, even as we took our stances. "Try again."_

_God, how could I possibly argue with that face? He seemed to _want_ to cook whatever I said I wanted. If I said sloppy joes, the man would run to the grocer's, even though he never ate the stuff. He seemed... happy. I sighed in defeat. "Lasagna." Boy did I have a craving for it. I'd wanted it for days._

_Heero grinned. Outright grinned. "Sounds good to me."_

"_I'll help," I offered. Lord knew making lasagna was a pain._

"_No, I've got it. Sit back for a while."_

"_Heero," I whined._

_That grin broadened into what I could only call a warm smile. "I want to do this," he murmured._

_And his voice was so contented that I didn't argue._

* * *

"_Wufei," Heero said sternly._

_Wufei turned to Heero in surprise, but his eyes quickly took on understanding. I watched in curiosity. Wufei had only been speaking about a mission two years ago, a difficult mission where they'd been trapped in a sewer in enemy territory. I cocked an eyebrow._

_Then it clicked, painfully clicked right into place: the beginning of their relationship. I felt my chest choke._

"_Wait a minute." I brightened my confused look into a beam. I heard my heart break. "That's when it happened!"_

_Both froze._

"_Tell me _everything_." Then I reconsidered. "Okay, not _everything_, but c'mon, man, details! Though not _those_ details." I felt the pain triple, then quadruple._

"_Duo," Wufei tread cautiously, "you mean you know?"_

"_C'mon, like it's not _obvious_." I snorted. And wanted to die. "So? You mean it happened during a _mission_? How off-the-wall is that? The two guys I thought were married to their mission..." I trailed off, unable to continue. Perhaps 'married' had been the wrong term to use._

_Wufei blushed. If I weren't in so much agony, I would have laughed at his consternation. "We didn't know, or else we-"_

"_Oh, don't worry, I won't tell." I pantomimed zipping my lips. "I won't tell a soul."_

_The blush deepened. "No... Trowa and Quatre know, but..."_

_Wow, that hurt. That Quatre hadn't felt fit to warn me. Or maybe he just didn't want to hurt me. As far away as I had been, I never would have known. Unless, of course, something like Harlow happened. Who would've guessed?_

"_Well, I won't tell anyone. So? How'd it happen?"_

_Wufei's blush turned his face red. "Maxwell!"_

_Heero looked absolutely stricken. I gave him a confused glance. Was he okay? Why didn't they want me to know? Quatre and Trowa could know, but not me? Fine. "All right, all right. You look about ready to combust, 'Fei." I turned to Heero. "When are Quatre and Trowa gonna get here? I thought we were going to the pizza place at five."_

"_They'll be a bit late," Heero managed. He looked about ready to faint._

_I deftly ignored their reactions to my announcement. "Man, poor Qat. He's so overworked."_

_Wufei couldn't meet my gaze, and Heero was staring out at nothing. "He'll be fine. The meeting just held over a bit longer than expected."_

_I turned back to Wufei, apparently the only one who could speak. "Huh. What's he doing now, anyway?"_

_Wufei snatched at the question with both hands. "He's trying to help get jobs for veterans of the war."_

"_Man, good luck with that. Not many like them right now."_

"_Yes, but Quatre-"_

* * *

The key in the door woke me from the memory-dream. I watched it drift away, feeling the pain of it rest solidly in my chest. Ever since that day, the memory had made a point of popping up whenever possible.

I turned to the door and watched Heero open it. His eyes immediately sought me out. As soon as he saw me lying on the sofa, that small, contented smile appeared again. "Hi," he said softly. There was no point in apologizing for waking me; as soldiers, we understood that it was a norm.

"Welcome back," I said. I was careful not to show anything more than friendship, and a cautious friendship at that. I never wanted him to know about my feelings. Especially now that there was no chance I was wrong about _his_.

"How was everything?" he asked, dropping his keys on the table by the door. He immediately shrugged out of his suit jacket and hung it up, tugging at his tie. Heero, I had learned quickly, despised the mandatory uniform. It never failed to make me smile. If only he knew how good he looked in it.

But he'd never hear it from me. I wondered if Wufei ever told him.

"Okay. I got tired around lunchtime, though."

"The doctor said that might happen. With the way you push yourself at your therapy sessions, it's no wonder you find yourself tired."

With how things were turning out, however much I've pushed myself in those sessions wasn't enough. The card entered my mind in all its glory. I frowned. I didn't want to think about it, but there was no help for it. I needed to figure out what to do. And as soon as Heero entered the kitchen, his eyes would inevitably find the box. Because the man cooked. And threw away his trash as he did so.

Heero made his way to his room to change. "Did Quatre stop by?" he asked.

"Nope." I didn't know which jokes would upset Heero. There were some I said unthinkingly that made his smile disappear. I didn't want that. My existence here was for him, after all. "So? What about you? Anything exciting?"

"If you call paperwork exciting," Heero said dryly.

"Still working on that? You must've really had it piled up."

"Well, my little mission with you gave me two days' worth of papers in and of itself. I had to fill out about a million reports..." He sighed. I felt guilt swell once again, as it always did when that fiasco was mentioned. Never had I apologized for everything, but only because Heero had seen me about to and told me off. I remember having given him a displeased face.

"No, Duo," he had said. "Harlow's actions weren't your fault."

"But," I had started.

"Enough, Duo. I won't have you apologize for this. We all made it out, didn't we?"

"Heero, I should've-"

"No. That's enough of that. I told you, didn't I? I don't want any apologies from you."

I had scowled and turned away. Because he didn't want it, I wouldn't say it. But I would think it.

Heero turned to me now. "Are you hungry?"

Starving. I thought about the box and shrugged it off. He would see eventually. If I tried to hide it, it would be even more suspicious. "Yeah. What're you cooking?" But Heero had always asked that question since that second week began. I couldn't argue it; he seemed too happy to do it. I didn't want to take that smile away.

"What do you want?" he countered predictably.

"What do we have?" Because the third day I'd said something and Heero had left to go to the store to get it.

Heero sighed. "Chicken, spaghetti, steak-"

I cut him off there with an appreciative moan.

He chuckled. "Steak it is."

That chuckle never failed to make me smile, too. "Steak," I moaned. I hadn't had steak in _ages_. I could hardly remember the last time I did; I'd defeated a tough opponent and treated myself. "Steak. And potatoes?" I asked hopefully.

This time he laughed outright. It was enough to make me burn. "Yes, 'and potatoes.' Anything else?"

I grimaced. "I suppose you'll make me eat vegetables."

"You're recovering, Duo," Heero chided gently.

"Vegetables suck," I complained.

That laugh returned. "But they're good for you."

"Which is probably why they suck," I pointed out, enjoying his laughter. During the war, his laugh had never been like that. Whenever he had laughed, it had sounded... evil. Now... now it was just happy, plain and simple.

"Green beans it is," Heero smirked.

I groaned, but it didn't take away my smile. How could I leave? Heero was smiling, for God's sake. Actually smiling, and right at me. Though he was with Wufei and though love was impossible, the friendship I'd begun to form with him was even stronger than it had been before. I was thrilled to be with him. I loved seeing his smile. As painful as it was when I went to sleep, it was even more painful to consider leaving.

My love was a curse.

I sat in the room for a short second, then spoke without thinking too hard about it. "Hey, Heero, may I use your phone to make a long-distance call?"

"Hm? Sure. Why?"

"I got this package today, but nothing was in it but bubble wrap."

"What? Did you order anything?"

Okay, I seriously needed to start thinking ahead. "A couple writing pads," I admitted. I _would_ say for my poems, but I wouldn't say it for the embarrassment if it were true, so I swallowed it back.

"Writing pads?" Heero said, surprised. "You could have just asked me."

I looked away, blushing. Okay, this wasn't something I should talk about. It was humiliating just thinking about it. What was I thinking? Oh, yeah. That if Heero saw a box and I didn't say anything about it, he would become suspicious. Heero seemed almost paranoid – or at least he would if he weren't right most of the time. "Yeah, well," I muttered stupidly.

Heero smiled. "How about I just buy you some and we call it even?"

I frowned. "I already used my money..." Blatant lie.

"Duo, I think I can handle buying a few writing pads."

I couldn't erase the frown. I really didn't want or need the things, so why was Heero so adamant about getting them for me? "But..."

"It's settled. I'll buy them and bring them back tomorrow night." He turned to the stove. "Duo, you don't have to be embarrassed over these things. I like your poetry."

My face flushed. "Um, what?"

That smile grew. "I love reading your poetry, Duo. It's beautiful. And it tells me everything you don't."

"U-Um..." The flush covered my neck, as well. "O-Okay."

"Duo..." Heero hesitated.

"Yeah?"

"Do you... remember... the poems on your ship?"

I had already considered it. Though I had yet to see my ship, I'd taken the worst-case scenario into account and tried to remember all of them. "For the most part. Why?"

"I... have you written them down?"

No, I hadn't. For the very reason I thought he was about to mention. "No."

Heero waited a beat, then sighed. "Because you don't want me seeing them."

I was silent a little too long.

"Duo, after all this time, can't you open up to us? Just a little?"

I turned away, looking to the floor. "The poems... show parts of me I don't like showing, Heero."

"I know."

I hissed. "Then why...?"

"Duo..." Heero turned back to me, the ingredients for dinner now spread along the counter. "Duo, my curiosity hasn't been satisfied. I need to ask."

Uh-oh. Like things weren't bad enough. Maybe this... would lead to my leaving? "What?" My voice was a bit too wobbly for my liking.

"Duo, I still want to know." He didn't come toward me, but that gaze penetrated me so that I might as well be chained to my seat, helpless under interrogation. "Who's the man that poem was written for?"

* * *

I know it went too fast, but dammit, I'm tired. So sue me.


	2. Let Me Let You Know

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing still isn't mine. Dammit.

Because, you know what? These guys need to actually frickin' talk.

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Two

Let Me Let You Know

* * *

Okay, so things had never been perfect. Heero's smiles were oddly timed, during things that had annoyed him during the war. And I couldn't always predict him. And there had been an argument once, when I'd been ready to say 'fuck it' and get out of my wheelchair for a few minutes. And things were always tense when Trowa was here, which meant I could never have a good time with Quatre, who was escorted by his lover everywhere. So yeah, things weren't perfect. I hadn't expected them to be.

But I hadn't expected this, either.

Not _once_ had Heero asked me that dreaded question since The Mission. Not once had I had to worry about Heero trying to delve into that particular part of my psyche. Granted the man could be obnoxious when it came to learning something about me, but this...

"Heero, no." I shook my head. "Ask something else."

The serious look deepened into an all-out frown. "You won't tell me, and you won't tell anyone else. Duo, we used to be able to talk to one another about anything. You especially. Why won't you tell me anything now?"

"Heero..." It was true that we'd opened up to one another, but all Heero would tell were things related to the war or his missions. His irritation with Relena and his ongoing plan to kill her had been one of the most insightful things he'd mentioned. (1) "This isn't the same."

"Isn't it?"

"We didn't force each other then," I argued, but stopped cold. Shit. I hadn't meant to say that. Not at all.

Heero's gaze wavered. Those eyes turned sad for the first time in a long time.

I quickly backpedaled. "I mean... Heero, it's not that-"

Heero sighed. "No. It's true. I just wish..." And here his voice turned wistful. "I wish I had opened up before."

"No point in regretting the past," I said sternly, not liking where this was going. "Besides, you did everything you could. And everything you needed to. If we'd done anything different, who's to say we'd have all ended up alive?"

Heero's eyes were dark. "Who, indeed," he murmured, then cocked an eyebrow. "You said I know him."

I groaned. Leave it to Heero to not leave well enough alone. "Not this, Heero. Ask another question. I'll answer that instead. Okay?"

Heero thought for a moment. "Promise?"

Uh-oh. "Uh... yeah?"

Heero smirked. "Why are you still here?"

Oh shit. "What?"

"Why are you still here?" he asked again, his face turning dead-serious. "Is it really because you agreed to stay for a month? Answer me honestly, Duo."

My face flamed, even as I felt relief loosen the knots inside me. "U-Um..." I looked away. "Well, that's part of it." I _was_ telling the truth, no matter how one looked at it. After all, I was here for more than Heero's conditions. I was here for him. And for the smile I'd stupidly taken from him recently.

"What's the other part of it?"

I was already thinking fast. "Well..."

"Duo..." Heero sighed.

Okay, so it was embarrassing – and extremely vulnerable – to admit even this much. "I... like being around you guys." Very, very important to add the word 'guys.' "Okay?"

Heero's smile returned. "Will you stay, then?"

Blush blush blush. Gods, why was he bringing this up now? Especially when... the box flitted through my mind with painful visions of getting everyone involved in another battle. Would we all be so lucky next time? "We... We'll see."

Heero's smile dimmed a bit, but he nodded. "I understand." He turned back to the cooking utensils, then straight back to me. "Duo... one more?"

I shrugged. "Just the first one's off-limits. It's time we get into this, I guess." I wasn't going to enjoy it. And I would have to be careful. But if it helped Heero... well, it was why I was here, wasn't it?

Heero nodded, returning to the stuff around him. I'd offered to help him once, but he'd quickly seen how useless I was in the kitchen. He'd joked that he now understood why I had ration bars. It made me smile to remember. Heero grabbed a sharp knife and started peeling potatoes. It was strange, because he had those peeler things. But he always managed to pull it off with one long string of skin. "Then... how do you feel about the four of us... as a group?"

He, too, seemed to be carefully editing himself. I was just as hesitant when speaking. "I feel like a fifth wheel."

The knife slipped, smacking into his finger. He didn't move it, but I thought I saw some blood. "Heero!"

"I knew it," he murmured to himself, and walked calmly over to the sink. He ran the water and placed both the knife and his finger under the water's spray.

"Heero, are you okay?" A stupid question; it was just a tiny little cut. Still...

"I'm fine," he said quietly. "A fifth wheel? Care to explain?"

"Maybe we should wait on this until all dangerous utensils are safely out of your hands."

"I'm fine. I would like to know."

I hissed, watching his hand as he returned to cutting off the potato skin. "Well, you guys all formed your group a long time ago, and you all have these little bonds because of it." If his hand started to slip, I was shutting up and demanding we wait. "I walk in and it feels like I'm stretching those bonds, like they have to work around me. If that makes any sense."

"Like you've been invited to a table full of strangers," Heero said simply.

Leave it to Heero to state emotions so plainly. "Yeah."

Heero was silent, staring at the potato like it held mystery's answers. "I'm sorry. Especially... especially since you're the one who put us together."

I gave him a skeptical look. "Look, I know you want to put the whole Trowa-and-Quatre thing on me, but..."

Heero sighed. "Quatre got Wufei and me after hearing where we were. Granted it was Quatre who took the step, but he said..." Heero hesitated, then bulldozed on. "He said he didn't want to lose another."

I winced.

"He doesn't blame you, Duo," Heero continued quickly. He put down one potato and substituted it for another. "None of us do. We all tried to find ourselves alone. We would have continued trying if..." Again Heero hesitated.

I almost asked him to continue, but was afraid of what I might hear.

Eventually Heero took the decision out of my hands. "If you hadn't left."

"Making it me again, huh?" I said breezily. "Hey, my motives were purely selfish." _Escape while I_ _could_, I added silently. I wished stupidly that Heero hadn't put this one on me, too. Like I didn't feel enough useless guilt. _And hopefully find myself in the process._ Which hadn't worked, I might add.

"Duo, we'd all believed that, even if we remained distant, you would always be there."

I winced again, understanding that what Heero left out was, 'you had been our constant.' And I'd let them down. How many times would I do that before I died?

I looked away again, unable to face him.

"No, Duo," Heero sighed, "that's not what I meant at all. Finding out you'd left... it hit us then. We'd expected you to keep coming back, when what you'd kept coming back to was..." He smiled crookedly. "Well, it wasn't the most welcoming of attitudes. Surely we've already said this? We realized we were giving nothing and expecting everything. We'd hurt you."

I shrugged, but I could never shrug off the truth of it. "Water under the bridge, man," I said, waving my hand negligently. It hurt a bit to move it, but I didn't show the pain. I'd found out that Heero had a certain mother-hen streak when it came to my injuries.

Heero scowled. "Would you stop doing that? We know better. We never felt _that_ emotion, but we know how it felt to search and search for you and never find anything. We found Hilde easily, but you'd broken away from her, just as you had with Quatre. You disappeared." There was a hint of remembered panic in Heero's voice. "We remember the fear that we would never find you, that..." Heero stopped, then shook his head. He put down the second now-skinned potato and reached for the last. "We... had some trouble... about a year after you left. Some crazy guy talking about killing all of us Gundam pilots. He bragged..."

I felt my eyes widen.

"He bragged," Heero forced out, "that he'd killed you. We lived in fear for... months." Heero rubbed his chest as if remembering an old pain. "Then," he sighed, "you sent Quatre an on-line Christmas card. Do you remember? You had an old joke in it that only Quatre recognized."

Oh yeah. The joke about beanstalks and golden eggs. "'So your swan shitted a Winner,'" I quoted, remembering how I'd said that when I'd finally found the flippancy to remark on the one-year anniversary present that Trowa had surprised Quatre with.

He smiled. "Yes, that. It was only then that we knew you were still alive. Somewhere."

"Sorry," I said softly.

"You couldn't have known."

"I wish I had. I would've helped."

"From the sidelines," Heero finished for me.

I could say nothing. It was the truth, after all.

Heero shook his head. "That panic was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I'd known you were skilled, that you could take care of yourself. But..." His breathing was oddly heavy. I was back to watching that knife hand. "But I couldn't know. We could take care of each other, but we could do nothing for you. If you _did_ get into trouble..." Heero hesitated. "We lived off of Quatre's reports. He wouldn't tell us much, but he _did_ tell us that you called, that you seemed well."

Did that knife just wobble?

"It was all we had," Heero sighed. "so I don't understand what it was like to be hurt over and over, but I do understand the fear of loss, the pain of it... I kept wondering if I would ever see you again. I swore that if I found you, I wouldn't let you go. No matter what."

Well, that would make the escaping option difficult. "Heero, how is the fear like getting glares from you guys? Doesn't quite seem the same to me."

"Yes, you had it much worse."

I scowled. "Not quite what I meant."

Heero sighed. "Of course not," he grumbled. Then, "the fear ate at us. We all suffered for it. We turned to each other, over and over again. Somewhere in there, it hit us all over again: while we now had each other to turn to, you'd never had anyone."

"Quatre," I blurted without thinking.

Heero's smile. "Yes, and thank God for him. If it weren't for him..." Heero's smile disappeared all over again. He finished peeling the last potato and threw the string of skin into the trash. Then he grabbed one potato after another and started chopping them into pieces. "Of course, Quatre's pain was worse than ours. He felt everyone's pain, not just his own. Trowa became upset at first, then angry. Quatre was hurting, and there was nothing he could do. He... started to blame you."

"As well he should," I said airily. "Quatre never let me know, or I swear I would've come to see him."

"Exactly why he didn't tell you," Heero noted gently. "He didn't want to force you back on his account. He kept saying that you'd feel trapped."

Quatre knew me far too well.

The potatoes, now chopped, were quickly placed in a mixing bowl. I stared at the contraption. I was good with machines, but not if they included food in any way. That particular machine hated me.

I sighed. "Look, Trowa's got his reasons, okay? I don't blame him one way or the other. _I_ was the one who left, after all." I had to speak up for Heero to hear me; he'd turned on the dreaded machine of doom.

Heero muttered something. I read his lips quick enough to see, 'in circles.' "Look, Duo," he said loudly, "you've admitted you feel like a fifth wheel, but then you say..." He paused. "No, you never _did_ say you don't have a problem with Trowa's attitude, now did you?"

Shit.

Heero scowled. "You always speak in half-truths and riddles. Why don't you speak plainly for once? Does Trowa's attitude hurt you?"

Shit shit shit. "I don't think-"

"Yes or no, Duo."

Didn't I say Heero could be downright obnoxious? "I'm not-"

"Yes, then," Heero answered himself. I growled. "In any case... dammit, Duo." Heero turned on me, turning off the mixer. "How can I ask a question so that you won't be able to skirt around the real answer?"

I gave him a shocked look. "What?"

"Duo," Heero said slowly, "are you happy here?"

I gaped. "I... what?"

Heero sighed. "Sometimes... I wonder. Your eyes sometimes tell me things they don't mean to. Like whenever Wufei comes over... you seem sadder."

Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

I shrugged. "Well... you guys are..." I waved my hand at him, hoping whatever sadness entered my eyes wasn't too... big. "I feel like I'm in the way." Oh god.

Heero's eyes flashed a lot of things. Embarrassment was the one I saw first. "That was..." Heero? Flustered? Shit.

"Hey, hey," I waved my arms wildly, then winced. Loudly. Uh-oh.

Heero's eyes zeroed in on my pain. "Duo." He rushed over, gently checking my arm. "Don't overdo it, Duo," he warned. "You're still recuperating."

"Why thank you, doctor," I teased. "It's not that bad. I just forget sometimes."

Heero frowned. "Duo..."

"Yeah, yeah. Look, anyway, it's not that big a deal. You two have a thing. Okay, so? You think I'm gonna freak out or something?"

Heero shook his head, then looked away. "It's... not..." But his face was beet red. And very, very close to mine. "Um, don't move that arm." He got up and hurried back to the mixer. "Duo?"

"Huh?"

"You didn't answer the question."

I blinked. So I didn't. I carefully stalled for time. "Uh, what was it again?"

Heero gave me a knowing look. "Are you happy here?"

I was about to shrug, but it would be useless. Heero had already turned back to the mixer, carefully watching it. "I guess."

Heero's eyes hardened. "You guess?"

"Well, yeah. It's not all fun and roses, but then who expected it to be?"

"'Not all fun and roses,'" Heero quoted, seeming frustrated. "And what does that mean?"

"It means there are ups and downs." An obvious evasion.

"Specifics, Duo."

"Well, Trowa's not the nicest guy to be around. It's hard to talk to Quatre when I have Mr. Silent glaring at me." I carefully didn't shrug. Heero turned off the mixer, looking thoughtful. "And I guess it's hard, being out of the loop. But I only have myself to blame for these things-"

"Dammit, Duo." But Heero's voice switched immediately from frustrated to gentle. "You're too kind for your own good," he murmured.

I almost laughed, but Heero looked dead serious. He turned back to me, ignoring the steak and the spices he'd been about to add to it. "Um, Heero, I'm not kind."

Heero smiled again, a simple little quirk that brightened his face immeasurably. "No, you're definitely kind. You kept reaching out for far longer than Wufei or I ever could have. During the war, even though you confused me, you were my sanity. If it weren't for you, I would have continued to question my existence."

Whoa, whoa. Did _Heero Yuy_ just say that?

Heero chuckled and returned to the steak. "Yes, he did."

I blinked. "Shit! I said that out loud? Oops."

Heero grinned at me. "You should feel free to say whatever you think to us. We all share our secrets with one another now."

I didn't know how I felt about that. I wanted to scoff at it – whatever I learned from everyone was by them accidentally slipping it out or by me asking directly about it, though the latter didn't occur too often. Then I thought about it a bit more and wanted to sigh. They were an ironclad group, definitely closer than family. Shared all their secrets with one another, huh? Nice, but I wasn't one of the four. Their family didn't include me.

Although Lord knew Heero wanted it to.

I grinned at the wall, unable to watch Heero. I saw him bend over and place the steak in the oven. It never failed to shock me, Heero's odd domesticity. Heero could whip up anything practically from scratch. Me? Not so much.

"Duo, why did you leave?"

When would I stop being surprised? "Quatre didn't tell you?"

"He just said you needed time to figure everything out."

"Well, yeah. That's the reason I left."

"And did you?"

I thought about it, about everything I'd learned about myself. "A bit. But not enough." And I would never learn it all. Not now.

"I see." Heero did something with the green beans, I'm not sure what, and placed them in a pot. "Duo. What exactly were you trying to figure out?"

It wasn't any of his business. But then again, I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to worm away from him without answering... and maybe we needed to start talking. I didn't want to find myself in a situation like that day, that god-awful day when I'd heard the truth about Heero and Wufei... "Myself."

I said it so quietly I didn't think Heero could hear me – but then he sucked in a sharp breath. "I... see."

I hurried on. "It sounds cheesy, but I needed to know."

Heero frowned. "It doesn't sound cheesy. We all had a hard time finding ourselves outside the soldier we made ourselves become."

I nodded. But had they had to look beyond two people, the soldier and the person beneath that? My entire existence was false. But at least I'd been able to see a bit more... my fear, my confidence in my abilities but lack of confidence in myself... yes, I'd begun to understand. But I wasn't there yet. Not by a long shot. And now I never would be.

"Duo, we found that it was easier for us to get to know ourselves when someone else was there to help us."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Want to run that by me again?" I asked, amused. Like that made any sense.

"Duo, can you describe me in a few words?" Heero did something foreign with the mashed potatoes, too, then turned to me.

"The you now or the you before?"

Heero's mouth quirked. "How about the me now?"

I thought for a moment. "Loyal, headstrong, and kind." And it was soooo weird to use the last one in definition of one Heero Yuy.

Heero's eyes warmed. "And as for yourself?"

Selfish, lazy and depressed. The words were there, right there, but there was no way in hell I was saying them. Still, Heero's eyes sharpened. Maybe I should have added on 'astute' to his little list of virtues. "You thought of something, Duo, but it wasn't very good, was it?"

I clamped my mouth shut against the sardonic remark that wanted release. Maybe back during the war Heero wouldn't have thought much about my self-deprecating joke, but now he would catch it. "Huh?" was all I said instead.

"Generous, kind-hearted and dependable." Heero shrugged. "Just off the top of my head." He smirked. "Stubborn as a mule, and righteous. And a worrier. You tend to take the blame for things, too."

"That's more than a few words," I pointed out weakly.

Heero shrugged. "As I said, it's a lot easier to see someone else than to see yourself. Who was it who said that one can only see the reflection of oneself, but never actually oneself? I believe it was Shakespeare."

I scowled. Leave it to Heero to know something like that. I liked the sound of it, though. It explained why we couldn't see ourselves easily – why _I_ couldn't see _myself_ too easily. And wasn't it true that whenever we looked into a mirror, we always saw our imperfections? For instance: my nose was girly, as was the shape of my head. I was a bit short. Dammit. Very short. And my fingers were more musician's fingers than anything else, and you could hardly see the calluses on them. Heero's were long and slim, too, but they looked like those of a warrior. Mine looked like those the damsel in distress might have.

"Duo? What are you thinking about?"

I blushed. Like hell I was going to tell him I was thinking about his fingers. "Just that I like that quote."

Heero hummed in agreement. "So do I." He opened the oven, apparently checking on the steak. "I won't pressure you, Duo, but I would like to help you."

I couldn't look at him. He'd labeled me off with lightning ease, pointing out facets of my character I couldn't bring myself to believe were true. Kind-hearted? Generous? Dependable? What kind of dependable person was I when I almost got everyone killed? How kind could a bounty hunter ex-Gundam pilot be? And Lord knew bounty hunters weren't righteous. No. Heero was wrong.

But I wanted him to be right.

I turned to the trash can with a frown. Right now, again, I had no time to worry about who I was. I had someone I needed to stop – before someone else got hurt. Too bad, I thought with a grimace, I was stuck in a goddamn wheelchair.

* * *

(1) (http://www(dot)angelfire(dot)com/gundam/pilots_sex/) for all you interested people out there. (I count maybe one or two people that could potentially give a damn...)


	3. I'm Not Dead

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gundam Wing. Dammit.

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Three

I'm Not Dead

* * *

I listened carefully to every move Heero made as he readied himself for work. As I was, I couldn't do any work even if I wanted to. And Heero had made me swear not to go on any missions during this month.

Usually Heero came in to help me get up so I could eat breakfast with him. He also used to stay and make sure I managed to bathe myself on my own. He would wait outside the bathroom and call to me if even the slightest sound emerged that seemed off. That had been humiliating, but at least I'd stayed in the hospital until I'd managed to bathe myself, even though Heero had offered to have me out as soon as I woke up. Having a nurse do it had been embarrassing enough.

My mind switched back and forth on me, pointing out Heero's words yesterday, then switched immediately to the box in the trash. A warning, obviously to see my reaction. To scare me into leaving, or to scare me into action? Maybe they just liked toying with me.

I could smell breakfast cooking. It was only a matter of time before Heero entered. We hadn't talked about anything else serious yesterday, but it had caught me by surprise – my desire to hear the end of... the little mini-conversation. He'd avoided it the same way I'd tried to avoid _his_ question.

_Heero sighed. "Sometimes... I wonder. Your eyes sometimes tell me things they don't mean to. Like whenever Wufei comes over... you seem sadder."_

_Oh shit oh shit oh shit._

_I shrugged. "Well... you guys are..." I waved my hand at him, hoping whatever sadness entered my eyes wasn't too... big. "I feel like I'm in the way..." Oh god._

_Heero's eyes flashed a lot of things. Embarrassment was the one I saw first. "That was..." Heero? Flustered? Shit._

"_Hey, hey," I waved my arms wildly, then winced. Loudly. Uh-oh._

_Heero's eyes zeroed in on my pain. "Duo." He rushed over, gently checking my arm. "Don't overdo it, Duo," he warned. "You're still recuperating."_

"_Why thank you, doctor," I teased. "It's not that bad. I just forget sometimes."_

_Heero frowned. "Duo..."_

"_Yeah, yeah. Look, anyway, it's not that big a deal. You two have a thing. Okay, so? You think I'm gonna freak out or something?"_

_Heero shook his head, then looked away. "It's... not..." But his face was beet red. And very, very close to mine. "Um, don't move that arm." He got up and hurried back to the mixer. "Duo?"_

"_Huh?"_

"_You didn't answer the question."_

Sneaky bastard. Why the hell was Heero so flustered? Thinking about it more, Heero seemed really uncomfortable talking about his relationship with Wufei. But the two of them were completely natural around each other. What was it about talking to me about their relationship that disturbed them? They said it wasn't a secret... did they just not like talking about it? But why?

"Duo?" Heero knocked.

It was a courtesy I didn't understand; this was his freaking house. "Yeah?" As if I didn't know what he wanted.

"May I come in?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course."

Heero opened the door then, shining the light from the hall directly into my eyes. I squinted and smiled at him. He looked good in that ridiculous uniform. I'd always thought that vomit green looked hideous on everyone, but Heero once again proved me wrong. "'Morning."

Heero's face held a smile again. "Good morning."

I grumbled about the word good. I hated mornings. Didn't Heero, too?

Heero chuckled. "I don't know, I think I had a good rest last night."

Funny, I hadn't.

I cocked an eyebrow. "Really."

"Yes. That's the first time you and I managed to have a full-fledged conversation." Heero seemed extremely pleased about that.

I had to admit, it had been... good... to get a couple of things off my chest. And at least now I had a better appreciation of Heero's irritation. It was a pain to not know why his relationship with Wufei was such a sensitive subject.

"So, what's for breakfast?" I asked, sitting up. If I were alone, I would stand up and move to my wheelchair. With Heero, such an action would not be appreciated.

Heero quickly held me up and deposited me in my waiting wheelchair. I glared at the thing as Heero moved me to the kitchen. I had suffered this too many times to be blushing again today. "Pancakes. Wufei will be coming by today to take you to your appointment."

I scowled at he thought of dealing with Mr. Zencroft again, then smirked. Wufei, huh? Great. Maybe I could interrogate _him_ about their relationship. Subtly, of course. "Pancakes? Cool."

Heero chuckled. "Thank you, by the way."

"Huh?" For what?

"For talking to me yesterday. I know it was hard for you."

I almost swallowed my tongue. "Uh, well..." I shrugged, then cowered under Heero's mother-hen glare. "Oops. My bad."

Heero shook his head. "I'm glad we've begun to talk."

I didn't want to think about Heero's evasion, but I couldn't help it. It wormed into my mind like a freaking tumor. But Heero had started opening up before I had, so wasn't it only fair? "Yeah, well..." I continued stupidly.

Heero swung us into the kitchen and situated me by the table. The chair that had once sat there had been moved to make room for me. I was a little short for the table, but I never said anything. Heero moved to the stove – the man's abilities over there were freaking scary – and dished up two pancakes. He brought the plate over and returned to make a new batch.

"Thanks," I murmured quietly, feeling bad. Heero had to practically spoon-feed me everything. I was slowing him down.

I couldn't help but think about what that might mean if my mystery stalker decided to attack. Quatre and I were practically out of commission. If the man were to only target me and leave everyone else alone, I wouldn't have too much of a problem. But what if Heero or Wufei decided to protect me?

I stared glumly at my food.

"Duo? Don't you like it?"

I jumped guiltily. "Of course I do," I scoffed with a smile. To prove it, I grabbed the butter and syrup on the table and added them both liberally, then dug in.

Heero shook his head. "Too much syrup," he muttered, but he was smiling. "Remember your appointment," he reminded me.

"Yes, Mama-Yuy," I joked, mouth full. I swallowed and cast a grin behind me to the stove. The room was oddly homey, I thought, not for the first time. Heero had made his house a home. The kitchen's wall was a light, light yellow, something I had not expected when first entering. It had cooking utensils, just like a chef's home. And had a framed quote. I had no idea what it could be called, whether it was a painting or what, but it was a decorated quote in a frame. I'd memorized it long ago. 'The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.' Said by some guy named Arthur C. Clark. (1)

There was a plant hanging by the back door, well-watered and cared for. A few of its vines hung down, draping themselves in the air. It was... comfortable. Heero had made a nice place.

Heero grumbled something probably related to my teasing comment. "I'll get those writing pads for you before returning. Okay?"

I felt an instant slam of guilt. "You don't have to," I murmured.

"It isn't because I have to that I'm doing it," Heero admonished. I heard the sound of batter sizzling and knew Heero had flipped the pancakes.

"Well..." I blushed. "Thank you." I snatched up a huge bite and stuffed it all in my mouth. Hopefully Heero wouldn't let me talk with my mouth full again. Or at least now I had an excuse to not speak.

Heero seemed to sense my discomfort. "Do you know what you'll be doing today for Mr. Zencroft?"

I held up a finger, relieved, and proceeded to chew. I gulped it down and answered. "Actually..."

* * *

Just for practice, I told myself about an hour or so after Heero left. I couldn't afford to be helpless right now. I had to be able to _do_ something, or else I was just a sitting duck. I couldn't let that happen.

My legs were the least screwed-up part of me, though moving them aggravated my stomach to the point of agony. Using my arms was out, though; I could hardly move them, let alone use them to lift me up. I carefully positioned myself as best as I could.

Then I tried to stand up.

I screamed in pain almost immediately and fell back into my chair, having hardly made it an inch. My god but that hurt. I took a deep breath, then winced again. No wonder Heero had argued with me when I'd wanted to try to stand. I wasn't ready. Not even close. Gods. Not good.

One more time. One more time, and this time I would have to ignore the piercing pain in my abdomen and arms and...

I didn't let myself think about it but just used my legs to push me, my arms only to balance. My stomach burned. I cried out again, but used my scream to push me, make me get up. Sweat broke out across my skin. I didn't breathe. My heartbeat was painful.

I took a small step forward, then another and another until I was leaning against the wall. A plain color of paint, a light intensity of a dark blue hue. A sofa table sat beside me. I turned to it and stared at the Chinese dragon figurine on top of it. It stood front and center, its mouth wide, its dark blue scales shining. It was most likely a gift from Wufei. I hated how perfect it was.

I took my time, allowing myself shallow breaths. It hurt, but at least I was up. I wouldn't be able to fight like this, though. I couldn't even hold myself up! This was bad. I had too much more recovery to do. I was spinning from worried to panicked quick when I heard the doorbell ring.

I turned my head to the door. The UPS driver again? Or was it...?

I grimaced. At least I was alone right now. And Wufei wasn't supposed to show up for at least a little longer... if I made this quick, maybe no one else would get hurt.

I scowled. I didn't like suicide.

I struggled to the door, panting like a dog. My hand clutched the wall, then carefully pushed off it, allowing me into the small lobby in front of the door. I fell on the door for a moment. Heavy. I was so fucking heavy for some reason. I wanted to clutch my stomach, but my arms were too tired to try. The burning sensation was worse. Even if I had a gun in my hand, I wouldn't be able to use it. I was completely vulnerable.

I didn't want to go down without a fight. But I didn't think I'd be able to help it.

With a wince, I leaned off the door and opened it.

Wufei stared at me in horror.

"Maxwell!"

I winced as a pounding centered mercilessly in my head. "Um, hi?" I whispered, but it hurt to speak. I felt my stomach spike with pain and gasped.

I didn't even notice I was falling.

Wufei's voice pierced the dizziness consuming me, a sound of panic. _Shit._

I felt hands around me, then warmth that could only come from a human's body. Wufei? I tried to speak, but nothing came out. I saw his fuzzy shape looking at me. Those eyes... they were dark with fear. It was so plain why Heero would fall for him... I smiled. "He's yours," I whispered, my voice too weak for even me to hear.

"Duo, hold on! I'm calling the hospital now!"

I shook my head. "No, no..." I had to be here, just in case the person came, whoever it was. "No." I tried to grab Wufei, but the pain in my arm prevented me. "Please..."

"Hello? Yes, my friend has collapsed..."

"No." I started to struggle in Wufei's hold. I couldn't let him take me away from here! What if the man came? What if Heero was targeted because I had run away? No, no, no! The whole point of this was be ready, to not be useless! I couldn't let Wufei take me away from here!

"Duo, hold still..."

"No." I ignored the pain this time, grabbed Wufei's arm. Desperate, I glared through the blur. "No."

"Duo..."

I shook my head, sending stars into my vision. "Please," I whispered.

I couldn't see clearly, but I could hear well enough. "I'm sorry for this. It seems my friend is waking up... yes, he seems fine... he says he tripped. Yes, I'm very sorry. Thank you." And the sound of a cell phone snapping closed could be heard. Thank God. "Duo, what the hell is going on?"

"Can't go," I murmured.

"Why?"

Wufei lifted me up then, carefully moving to the sofa. I closed my eyes, the shifting scenery hurting my eyes and head. I winced. "Can't," I whispered.

"Duo, tell me what's wrong." The panic was back in his voice.

I felt a pillow beneath my head. It felt nice. My stomach hurt so badly... it was too hot. My arm, too. They were too hot... "Hot..." I murmured.

"What?" Wufei cursed. "I'm calling Heero."

Oh. That would be bad. "No," I whispered.

"You won the first one. I get to win this one," Wufei said firmly.

I quirked a quick, tired smile. "'Kay," I allowed.

Wufei seemed even more afraid with my easy acquiescence. "Yuy? Yuy, Maxwell's collapsed. No, he was standing when he opened the door... I don't know... no, he's on the sofa now... no, he's almost unconscious. Of course I'll stay here, Yuy," Wufei said exasperatedly. "Yes, but Duo kept saying 'no'... all he said was 'can't.' No, I don't know why..." Wufei turned more fully toward me. I could hear it in the sudden increase in volume. "Yes, that would be best." The cell phone snapped closed once more. "Yuy's on his way."

I groaned. Fabulous. Now Heero was leaving his job to mother-hen me to an early grave. He would most likely demand more days off to care for me. Fucking fantastic.

"Duo, what do you need?"

_I need to be able to fight._ I struggled to put Wufei into better focus. "I'm okay," I managed.

"Bullshit," Wufei snapped. He stood with a flourish. "Try again."

Fine then. I sat up as quickly as possible, not giving myself the chance to think about it. The pain tripled. I cried out. I couldn't help it.

"Duo!" Wufei forgot his exasperation and snatched me up, holding me up when my body collapsed once again. "Duo, stop this. Don't try to stand anymore."

"Have to," I whispered. If only I could put more power into my voice. Maybe Wufei wouldn't place me back down on the sofa as if I were a baby.

"Why?" Wufei asked again.

"I can't..." The stars popped in front of me again, and the world tilted funnily. I had to grab Wufei for support, and my arm tore into shards of agony. "Aah!"

"Duo." Wufei tenderly moved my arm back to my side, settling the pillow more comfortably behind my head. "Just rest."

I couldn't afford to! What if...?

"Danger," I whispered, trying to impart to him the importance of not dropping his guard. I reached up again, stupidly. "Danger."

"All right. I'll keep watch. I won't let anything happen."

"Heero..."

Wufei held my hand as it trembled in its effort. "I'll watch out for him."

I couldn't even nod, my head was spinning so much. I let my eyes close and slipped into unconsciousness, trusting Wufei to take care of everything.

* * *

"How long?"

"Since shortly after I called you."

"Did you...?"

"He said 'danger.'"

"Danger?"

"Hmm."

I felt waves of energy coming from someone nearby. It was almost painful.

"He's hiding things. Even now..."

"Yuy?"

"We'd begun talking last night..."

"What? What is it?"

"The box," that voice hissed. The energy – frustration, anger – grew. "He lied about it."

"Yuy-"

"Dammit, Duo! What do you want from me?"

"Yuy, I don't think that's-"

"What do you know? Every day he seems to fight with himself – to be happy or sad, to talk or be silent, to joke or be serious. He's _acting_, Wufei!"

There was a pause. I started slipping back into sleep. The frustration seemed to be diminishing, leaving me feeling safe enough to rest again.

"Yuy, he's afraid. I understand your pain, but-"

"He thinks we're still lovers."

Wufei hissed. "Dammit. I feared his reaction. He was... far too flippant."

"I just..." Heero sighed. I heard something in it, something that hurt me, but I was just too tired. "It shouldn't have happened."

"We agreed that it was in the past and something we couldn't change. We won't let it affect our future."

Heero nodded. "We... we need to explain it..."

"Why? You obviously have no intention of telling him."

Heero made an uncomfortable noise. It was followed by Wufei's chuckle. "You're worried about Duo's own love interest."

"Yes. When we spoke, he refused to answer that one question. He said only _that_ question was off-limits."

"Hm."

There was a silence again, and I slipped further into the darkness. The pains in my arm and stomach were muted. I sensed something in me, distantly. A drug? I remembered that Heero had been given pain-killers...

In that short moment, I blessed that evil doctor. It was heaven to have solace from the pain.

"Don't worry, Heero. We'll get everything figured out, and then you can suck it up and tell him how you feel."

"But..."

"Aren't you the one who lectured Trowa and me about emotions and following them? You _will_ tell him, Heero. Steal him from the person who hurt him. He needs someone like you, Heero. You can save him."

"How? He keeps turning away from me..."

"How did he get past The Perfect Soldier into your heart?"

There was a small laugh. "Dogged persistence."

"Well, then you know what to do. Just keep at it, Heero. The fact that he spoke to you means you're getting to him."

A sigh. "You're right. I know you're right..."

I started to slip away from the conversation. It was a strange dream, a strange thing to imagine oneself hearing. An interesting one...

"So..."

"What?"

"You _have_ to tell me! What all did he tell you?"

Another chuckle. The warmth of it got rid of the last vestiges of my discomfort and slid me into peaceful oblivion.

* * *

Yeah... I actually went onto eBay to find that... no joke.

I swear, I didn't see any of this coming. o_O;


	4. Catch Me While I'm Sleeping

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gundam Wing. Dammit.

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Four

Catch Me While I'm Sleeping

* * *

I was pretending to sleep.

It was the coward's way, I knew, but I comforted myself with the knowledge that it was good recon. Wufei, I had noticed quickly, had decided to stay, most likely because I'd scared the piss out of him. Heero had stayed from his quick trip from Preventors HQ and seemed to be trapped against the wall beside the sofa, which I was still sprawled on. He was staring at me, just watching.

"Is he still sleeping?" Wufei asked quietly, walking into the room from – I guessed from the sound of the footsteps – the bathroom.

"Hn." Heero's eyes, I was sure, stayed on me.

Wufei sighed. "What danger are we watching for?"

"Hell if I know." Heero sounded supremely pissed about that. Then again, I couldn't blame him. If it were me, I'd be livid. I didn't like being blindsided by an enemy. This hadn't gone quite like I'd planned. I hadn't been certain I'd tell them, and if I had, it wouldn't have been like this. Yep. I planned shit out real carefully. Way to go me.

You know what? This was why _Quatre_ was the tactician.

"Whatever it is, it's got Duo worried." It sounded like someone was sipping something.

Heero snorted. "Duo's always worried."

I wanted to scowl, but Wufei just chuckled lightly. "That's true enough. He must fear not being able to face this enemy-"

"And getting us involved," Heero growled. "Why else would he hide it? It would be just like Duo to hide things to try to make others' lives easier, without ever giving a thought to his own."

"Hm. That's true enough, as well." Wufei left for a bit. Heero's gaze burned down at me.

"Yuy?" Wufei called from the kitchen.

"Hm?" That gaze left me for a moment.

"Is this the box?"

Heero moved into the kitchen. "Yes."

Shit. So Heero, in his always-infinite wisdom, had figured it out. That would make things even hairier when I awoke. I shouldn't have said anything to Wufei... no. No, I had done the right thing. They couldn't be kept in the dark – at least not about the danger.

"Heero, there's so much wrapping in this – I can't see how anything would have been in here."

"There had to have been something," Heero said grimly. "He'd acted strangely about that damn box."

Shit. I bet Heero felt humiliated right about now. I had lied to him, used him, and he'd just gone with it to help me out. Guilt slammed into me right there.

"Yes, you told me," Wufei said softly. That made me think – how long had I been asleep? Just what all had they been able to talk about?

"What the hell's going on, Duo?" Heero murmured, his gaze definitely back on me. "What's happening? Are you going to leave us again?"

My heart tore at the pain in Heero's voice. He thought I was planning on running. I felt horrible when I realized that running had in fact been my first choice. That wasn't an option; I couldn't leave Heero and Wufei in danger. And I couldn't stand the pain in that voice. I had sworn Heero would never cry again, and I had every intention of holding up to that internal promise.

"Heero," Wufei said softly. There was silence then, but it was oddly... well, not comfortable for me, but comfortable for them. I was reminded painfully of their relationship.

Finally Heero sighed. "I know," he said softly. But neither had said anything. They'd communicated with their eyes. Dammit, that hurt.

There was another sipping sound. I could only guess that they stopped their 'couple' moment and got back to staring at me. "We won't let him leave. I'll tie him down if I have to."

Heero chuckled at that. "He can escape."

"I'll taser him."

Heero just barely muffled a laugh. A bittersweet spear caught me right in the chest, making it impossible to breathe. It wasn't like I couldn't make Heero laugh. I could. I did. And when I did, it was the most rewarding thing I'd ever received, the most miraculous event I'd ever witnessed. Hearing Heero laugh always lightened my chest – unless, apparently, Wufei made him do so. Apparently that hurt.

"Duo?"

Shit. My breath had hitched. I quickly tried to cover it up by groaning slightly and trying to twist around. My breath _really_ hitched this time. My stomach spiked another lance into me.

"Duo!"

"Maxwell!"

Hands immediately grabbed me to help me into a better position. I took the chance to open my eyes and look at Heero and Wufei. Both had looks of concern at the moment, eyes worried. "I'm okay," I managed.

"Maxwell, enough." Wufei looked me over. "Yuy, you can clean up our mess. I'll take care of Maxwell."

"Mess?" They'd made a mess?

"We dropped our coffee when we saw you..." Wufei struggled to explain that they'd been watching me as I slept.

"Oh." I winced; coffee was a bitch to clean. "Sorry."

Wufei sighed. "_Enough_. Are you hurting?"

Of course I was. "Only a little. Like a twinge."

Wufei gave me a disbelieving look. "In other words, you don't want any more pain medication."

Pain medication? How had I known that I'd already been given some of that? Maybe it was the slightly dizzy feeling I had. "Uh, right."

Wufei smirked. "Well. We're getting somewhere. Now if only we can get you to tell us what's going on."

I winced again. "Um, do I have to?" But of course I would – there was no hiding it now. And maybe, since they obviously had no intention of letting or making me leave, they could prepare themselves.

"Um, yes?" Wufei said drolly, rolling his eyes.

I had to smile. "Uh..." I couldn't see Heero because of how I'd been placed on the sofa; Heero was behind my head. Still, I was certain he was listening closely to our conversation. "First – I'm sorry."

Wufei just cocked an eyebrow. I could see he was fighting a smile. I scowled; the bastard had known I would apologize. I glared at him. "I didn't want you to find out this way. I'd been thinking about telling you..."

"Thanks for the consideration, Maxwell," Wufei said.

I scowled deeper. "I don't know anything about it, though. Just that someone knows that the infamous Black Strike is staying here."

Wufei frowned. "That's not good. How did they find out?"

I almost shrugged but stopped at a twinge from my arm. "I don't know."

"Don't shrug," Heero ordered from somewhere on the carpet.

"Yes, Mama-Yuy," I sighed resignedly.

Wufei coughed out a laugh. "Mama-Yuy?" he asked, distracted.

"Yeah. Because he's like those mothers you see on television from the old times, where they give their kids cough medicine at the first signs of a cold and have the child on bed rest."

Wufei laughed outright. "You have a bit more than a cold," he managed to point out.

Heero's footsteps retreated into the kitchen for a bit, and I waited for him to return. When his footsteps led him back in, I continued on our original conversation. "All I got was a card with my sign on it."

"In the box," Heero said, coming into my line of vision. His voice was a bit cold. I couldn't look in his eyes.

"Yes. I'm sorry, Heero."

Heero's voice was a thousand times warmer when he replied. "No, don't worry about it, Duo. I understand."

"Understanding things doesn't make them easier to bear," I said quietly. "I shouldn't have lied to you. But..."

"You were considering leaving." It wasn't a question.

"I thought of it. But..." I closed my eyes. "Can you understand this, Heero?" As if Wufei wasn't here, I turned to him. "I can't do anything. And because I'm here... dammit, I'd never planned to be near anyone again. Because of _this_. Now I can't even protect..." I shut up. It was pretty conceited to believe that I would need to protect Heero and Wufei. And didn't it sound too... intimate? Still, it was what I was thinking, and it was what was hurting the most.

Heero seemed surprised. I thought I saw Wufei's face contort for a bit and feared he'd understood my words. But his eyes showed more pain than interest or jealousy. "Duo, we can take care of ourselves." As if Heero needed to tell me that.

"That's not the point, dammit. You shouldn't have to." I wished I could _do_ something. It was so frustrating to be helpless.

"Duo," Wufei cut in, "when we brought you into our group, we accepted your dangers as our own. Besides," Wufei said with a small smile, "we're Preventors. And you're our number one secret operative – as it were. It would be our job to protect you."

Well. If he was being serious, that was painful... but if he was being sarcastic, then... that was worse. I tried on a smile. "Things have gotten a lot harder for you these days, haven't they?"

Wufei sighed dramatically. "Too much paperwork."

Like that was the biggest concern. Dammit, I'd already almost gotten Wufei killed. I'd seen him fall once. I didn't want to see it again. "I don't want..."

Heero left and came back dragging two chairs. He set them down and Wufei and Heero sat, Heero closer to my head. "Duo," Heero said finally, "I do understand. Remember?" He was talking about his story about the crazy bastard who'd said he killed me. "But we can look out for each other. We won't let anything happen _to anyone_."

"Quatre," I started, but Wufei snorted, interrupting me.

"With his shadow following him, I don't think that will be much of a problem," Wufei said sardonically.

Damn, that was something else. This little incident would put Quatre in danger, which Trowa would place directly at my feet. Another reason for him to hate me for all eternity, as if I hadn't given him enough. Soon he wouldn't let Quatre come over at all.

"Duo?" Heero asked, apparently concerned with my silence.

"Trowa," I said quietly.

The two were quiet at that. There was nothing they could say, after all. Trowa would be livid. Absolutely livid. I wouldn't be surprised if he shot me and dragged my carcass out into the streets.

"We'll deal with him," Wufei said firmly. "You need to focus on taking care of yourself. I don't want a heart attack, Duo, and you almost gave me one."

"Sorry," I murmured.

Wufei groaned. "Oh, don't start that again!" he shouted, exasperated. "Enough. I've heard enough apologies from you to last the rest of my life."

I had to agree, seeing as I might just get him killed, and soon. "How many people are going to find me? How many will want revenge?" I asked sadly, not expecting an answer.

"It doesn't matter," Heero said firmly. "I don't give a damn. No one will take you or any of us down."

He sounded like he wanted to end the sentence with something like, 'not while I'm around.' Hadn't there been a movie with a song titled that? And hadn't that turned out pretty damn god-awful? (1)

I looked at both of them, at their faces set in determination. I _couldn't_ let them put themselves in danger again. Not for me. What would I do if...?

I closed my eyes. "I can't do this."

"Yes, you can." Heero's voice reached me; again, I'd said something I hadn't meant to. A hand covered mine. I jumped and turned startled eyes to Heero.

Heero seemed to hesitate for a moment, but his hand stayed where it was in the end – right there on top of mine. It was warm. "You _can_ do this, Duo. Just trust us."

His eyes were deep with the strength of what he was saying. I couldn't respond to them. Worse, I had no idea what I would say even if I could. Wufei didn't exist. Right now there was nothing but Heero and that warm hand. "I do," I said stupidly. Horrified, I backpedaled. "But that doesn't mean that..."

Those eyes, with their deep blue hue, intensified even more. "We can take this guy down, just like we did Harlow."

"That was different," I argued. What was the point of this conversation? I knew I would lose. Heero and Wufei were just as stubborn as me, but they could overpower me by working together. There was no way... and I could deny Heero nothing.

"Yes – there was more than one." Wufei smirked. I jumped. Damn. How had I forgotten that he was there?

"And how do we know that there's only one?" I countered.

Wufei shrugged. "Maxwell, maybe you've forgotten this, but we were Gundam pilots. We can handle this threat, whatever it is."

I glared at him. "Thanks for that," I snapped tiredly. "But if you haven't noticed, we're down two pilots, and we can't have round-the-clock surveillance on this house."

Both gave me a disbelieving look. "Maxwell, have you lost your mind?" Wufei asked.

"Duo," Heero cut in, giving Wufei a Look, "we're going to be here-"

"No!" I shouted. My stomach gave a warning twinge. I ignored it. "Not another mission! I'm not going to have you guys become my... my bodyguards!" Both were giving me shocked looks. "You can't just stop everything to watch my stupid back all the time! You have better things to-"

"Nothing is more important than... taking care of one another," Heero said firmly, tripping over his sentence halfway through. I gave him a look to tell him I caught his slip and he blushed. What the hell?

"What Yuy means, Duo," Wufei cut in quickly, "is that we would never go to work knowing you were in danger. Whether you're here or halfway across the known Universe. Do you understand?"

Not in the slightest. Heero was blushing madly and staring at his legs, for Heaven's sake. And Wufei had blatantly entered the conversation again to protect him. But why? What had Heero been about to say that was so embarrassing? _You_, my mind submitted. I thought about it, then smiled brightly. It probably split my face. "Ha ha! Heero, you moron, had you been about to make romantic overtures to me? Better be careful, or Wufei's gonna get mad."

Wufei sighed in exasperation when Heero's face turned beet red. "All right," he muttered. "That's enough. Maxwell." Wufei turned to me, his eyes serious. "Before we go any further, we're going to have to talk about this."

"Wufei," Heero hissed.

Wufei leaned forward, ignoring Heero's humiliated outcry. "We aren't lovers."

It took a moment for that to process. "What?"

Wufei situated himself a bit more comfortably. "It's about time you learn about this, Duo," he said gently. "It's not... our greatest moment, but..."

Heero couldn't even look up from his lap. "Wufei," he whined.

"Yuy, we have to tell him."

Heero was silent.

"Hey, wait." I raised both hands up quickly, then flinched. My arm protested that movement.

"Maxwell, calm down," Wufei said, grabbing my arm and placing it back down. "Remember your injuries, will you?" He sounded exasperated again.

"Wait," I said again, though this time I made certain not to move my damn arm. "Wait a minute. This isn't my business..."

"Maxwell, you do realize that by calling us lovers..." Wufei hesitated. "Well, we _aren't_ lovers. Technically, we never really were."

"Technically," I echoed dully. What was he saying? "But... you guys..."

Wufei nodded. "Yes, we had sex. But as I said, it was never our proudest moment."

Proudest moment? What did he mean? "I... don't understand."

"Yuy." Wufei nudged Heero sharply with his elbow. Heero jerked like he'd been shot.

"Hn?" he answered finally.

Wufei took another glance at Heero, but he didn't look like he'd be moving any time soon. He sighed and turned back to me. "We were on a mission..."

* * *

HaHA! Ooh, wtf??? *snickers*

Oh, and something about me and cliffhangers??? *feigns innocence*

(1) Sweeney Todd, FYI. Freaking awesome movie that is most definitely not mine.


	5. Misery

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gundam Wing. Dammit.

Note: Thank you SO much for everyone who has left messages and reviews for me! I love you all! Snowdragonct, Edo, and Jen – thank you all especially, who try to review each chapter. This also goes out to Dimitriv696, kiggy, wind dancer, Jackie, pale_aspirations, Lena/Leeca, corycaly, Light, and morning_glory. I don't say thanks enough, and I should. So thank you all. *bows*

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Five

Misery

* * *

_Note: This is the past. Thank you._

"Shit!"

"Wufei!" Heero scrambled over to his partner, laying cover fire for himself. Hell of a bust. Hell of a fuck-up.

"I'm okay," Wufei gasped, clutching his arm. "You?"

"Unharmed," Heero clipped out, ripping his shirt, then Wufei's. With an expert hand, he tied the makeshift bandage to Wufei's bloody arm. It was only a glancing blow, but it bled pretty badly.

"We could use some serious help right about now," Wufei snapped, obviously pissed.

"We were supposed to report back two hours ago. Une knows us – she'll figure out something's wrong."

"Fucking mole," Wufei ground out.

Of a mole's existence they were absolutely certain. This bust was supposed to be one of the biggest busts of the year – no, _the _biggest bust of the year, possibly the biggest bust since the start of Preventors. And they had a fucking mole.

"We need to find a place to hide until back-up arrives," Heero said grimly.

"Heero..." Wufei shook his head. They both knew the chances of getting help in time was slim at best.

"I'm not going down," Heero growled.

Wufei smirked. "The hell you're going to live longer than me," he agreed.

Heero peeked quickly over their tiny slab of building. The place was like a warzone. Whoever had been unfortunate enough to be in this part of the town could very well be dead by now. Heero didn't want to think about that.

They pushed their way forward, one small footstep at a time. It was two hours later when they found somewhere they could hide – if only they could get there.

"An underground highway," Heero hissed. Long abandoned as a transportation service due to the danger of breaking down the colony's fragile structuring, it was the perfect place to hide. There were far too many twists and turns for the soldiers to easily find them, even if they realized that was where Heero and Wufei had squirreled themselves away.

"We need a smoke bomb," Wufei hissed. Unfortunately, they'd already used them up when the enemies had suddenly turned on their exact location and fired.

Heero hissed. "No. We need a distraction."

"Heero, no," Wufei snapped under his breath.

"Go." Heero stood and ran for a nearby slab on the opposite side of the entrance to their hide-away. Shots rang around him. He dove for the safety of the slab, a sharp pain slicing through his leg.

He grunted as he landed, taking in the damage. It had passed through – damn, they were getting lucky – and hit right underneath his knee. Shit. That might take a while to heal.

Assuming, of course, that he lived.

He couldn't help but think of Duo now, of where he was. It had been two months since Quatre's last contact with him, and that had been short and sweet. All Heero had learned from it was that Quatre thought Duo was doing "all right" – whatever that meant.

There had to be more than one entrance to that damnable highway, but the chances of him finding one before he was taken down were nonexistent. At least Wufei was safe. For now.

"One!" Wufei's voice shouted out, immediately followed by a blast to Heero's right – away from the hide-out.

Heero reacted immediately, racing for the entrance even as his mind supplied him with information – Wufei had thrown a gun on the hope that it would misfire once it landed. The enemies, after hearing the word 'one,' would be expecting a 'two' – a second attack.

Instead, Heero dove into safety, ignoring the searing pain in his leg.

"Thanks," he gasped, rolling into a crouch. Before him stood Wufei, gazing at him in concern.

"You've been hit," he whispered.

"We have to move," Heero said grimly, knowing it would hurt like hell.

Wufei nodded, agreeing. "Can you?"

"I'm fine," he answered.

"Then let's go."

As one, they turned and trooped off deeper into the dark tunnels around them.

* * *

There was no light.

It was a darkness more complete than night, more complete than death. Heero couldn't see anything. Not Wufei, not incoming enemies, not even his own hand. It was a complete, total darkness. A place of nightmares, where demons could be lurking behind you and there was nothing you could do to stop them from devouring you.

Of course, Heero had never believed in ghosts or ghouls or demons. He wondered idly if Duo did. Probably not. For all the man's foolishness, he was still pragmatic enough to know the difference between fantasy and truth.

Wufei sighed. "I heard footsteps a minute ago."

"As did I." Heero's injury pulsed painfully. He absently searched for his leg in the dark, rubbed it. It was covered with blood. He and Wufei had stopped to bandage it before the darkness had become too complete, but it seemed now like the bandages weren't enough. "We have no provisions," Heero murmured.

"And even if help did show up, they may not find us for quite a while."

It seemed that Wufei had followed his own thoughts. "We may die here," he said anyway.

"Yes."

Heero was silent for a moment. "It's such a lame way to go," he murmured wistfully, thinking of all the things he should have done.

Wufei was silent for a pregnant beat before saying softly, "that's what he said."

"Hn?" Heero had no idea if he'd turned his head in the right direction, and lord knew he could see nothing, but an instinctive reaction made him turn toward Wufei's voice, nonetheless.

"Maxwell." Just the name made a shiver race down Heero's spine. "When we were being held, and the oxygen went out... he said it was 'a lame way to go.'"

It made Heero smile. "He would."

Wufei snorted. "Are... you all right?"

Heero paused, wondering at Wufei's tone. Obviously he wasn't talking about his wound. "No," he said finally.

"Hm."

They were silent again for a while. Heero had no idea what Wufei was doing to entertain himself within the darkness, but he was trying to imagine Duo as he looked now. Certainly the boyish face had grown older, more lean. But those eyes would still be wide.

"I loved him."

Heero froze, his thoughts stuck on a certain 'him.' "What?"

"Treize."

Heero felt his spine stiffen in different places as the tensed places relaxed. "Treize?" he echoed. "You despised him... didn't you?"

Wufei's chuckle was humorless. "Oh, no. I despised his methods, his thinking. But in fact... the thing I hated, the thing I decided he needed to die for because it wasn't virtuous... I was wrong. I thought he fought war for no reason but his own wants, discounting those lost..." Wufei's pain was naked in his voice. It was the first time Heero had ever heard the Chinese warrior's voice like that.

But somehow, in the darkness, it seemed fitting for secrets to be laid bare. "I never knew, Wufei," Heero murmured.

"I know. I didn't want you to." Wufei laughed again. "It's too late for me. I killed him myself."

Heero winced. "Wufei..."

"But you." Heero couldn't see anything, but he knew without doubt that Wufei's steady eyes were trying to trap him in their gaze nonetheless. "You... it's not over for you. Not yet. That's why... that's why you have to find him, Yuy."

Heero felt something in him clench tightly around his heart. It was hard to breathe. "I know. I've tried."

Wufei hissed. "We're a pair, aren't we? Both suffering for love. Some incredible warriors we are."

Heero's chuckle then was as dry as Wufei's. "Yes," he whispered.

They were silent then, unable to speak more. The subject made more talking pointless.

* * *

Heero tried to move his leg and groaned. Talk about pain.

"Heero?"

Well, that said something. They'd been here in the darkness for so long, Wufei was worried enough to say his first name. "Hn?"

"We can't last too much longer," Wufei whispered, his throat sounding as dry as Heero's was.

"Hn." He had to wonder just how long they'd been down here. There hadn't been any search parties lately, but trying to leave their safe little niche would be reckless. If they left and the enemy spotted them, they were dead. Their chances of living were practically nonexistent as they were. Jumping into death earlier would be stupid.

"Geez, Yuy, don't talk my ear off."

Heero smiled. "Hn."

Wufei fell into silence for a while, then, hesitantly, "Yuy?"

"Hn?"

"You've had sex before, right?"

Despite how tired and thirsty and hungry he was, he managed to stiffen and stutter. "What?"

"No," Wufei answered himself.

"Hey!" he snapped. "Yes, I have, dammit." Once, on a failed mission to get a certain someone out of his head. "Why the hell...?" He was very glad Wufei couldn't see anything, either – he'd be mortified if his blush could be seen at that moment.

"Hm. I haven't had sex since... Treize died."

A euphemism. Wufei wasn't a fan of them – it showed just how much pain losing Treize cause him. "Hn."

Silence. Then, "hm."

Heero closed his eyes, knowing what Wufei was trying to say. Heero hadn't been able to gain release with another person – ever. Not even that other person he'd had sex with... it had been an interesting little disaster, though he and the other person had been determined enough that he'd been able to stay hard for their benefit. But...

He didn't have to close his eyes to see Duo. Not in this darkness. It was easy to see whatever he wanted, to believe whatever he made himself see. For Wufei, too. And with his blood loss and the complete silence around him...

Every minute that passed sent him closer to death.

"I understand," he breathed.

Still, he had to close his eyes, had to let his desires take control over his reason, to be able to turn and roll on top of his partner.

* * *

o_O You know, somehow, even though that's all I'm writing on that, it still feels... weird. Very disturbing. Then again, people do disturbing things sometimes...

This was a serious part of this storyline, one I was reluctant to allow to happen, although I didn't really have a choice if this story was going to continue... I understand that this is going to be highly controversial. Any comments, both positive and inflammatory, would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading! I hope I didn't scare you all away...


	6. Get This Party Started

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is still not mine. Dammit.

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Six

Get the Party Started

* * *

Heero had left.

Heero had left and Wufei had gotten up and done something, I still had no idea what, and then he came back to me and I still hadn't moved.

I couldn't speak, shocked. Wufei and Heero had skipped over a couple of things, glossing over the trip through the tunnels and the long, long wait, and it was not explained to me what all Heero had been thinking (mostly because the man had been silent as a tomb during the storytelling), but I got the gist of it. They'd been on a mission, they'd thought they would die, and they'd had sex. Which had never been repeated or spoken of to anyone other than Quatre, Trowa, and now me.

"Duo?"

Okay, I must be scaring Wufei, because he's calling out my first name. I had to say something or he might do something weird, like get really worried or something. "You liked Treize?" Oh no, not just liked. Wufei had admitted to having had _sex_ with Treize. It took more than like for _that_ to happen.

Wufei snorted. "Good Lord, you're still on that?" Wufei sat back down in the chair Heero had brought out for him quite a while ago. "Yes, Maxwell. I loved Treize."

He said it with such calmness it disturbed me. Wufei talking about love, and connected to Treize. "O-Oh."

"Maxwell," Wufei huffed, "the point of telling you that story was for you to understand how far my relationship with Yuy had gone. As I said, we got picked up a couple of hours later – thankfully we'd hardly undressed, and we'd thought to get suitable afterwards in case an enemy showed up – and after that we agreed that it had been a mistake, something we wouldn't let get in the way of our relationship with each other or you and the others. We remained partners, and we're damn good together. That's it."

They had sex together and they called it a mistake? "Huh?" They weren't a couple but more like an extreme case of a one-night stand?

"For us, it was a catharsis of sorts, not to mention a better way to spend one's last moments." Wufei stood. "It wasn't the most honorable moment of my life, but it can't be taken back now. Dammit, we had been..."

Lonely. Desperate. Hurting. "I understand," I murmured, not knowing I'd echoed Heero's words from that night.

Wufei turned to me, surprised. I didn't comprehend the look. When he turned away again, he spoke. "That's what he said." It was so soft I barely heard it. Then, louder, "I'll go speak to Yuy. You – stay on that damn sofa."

I watched him go and grimaced. I, too, had a lot to think about. For one: Heero wasn't taken.

I'd suffered so much pain for so long, thinking that Heero and Wufei were already... that they spoke for one another. It was hard for me to imagine, for me to put myself in their place, alone in the darkness with only death and each other as company. If I had to choose, which would I move toward – my partner, or death? It was shockingly hard for me to decide. Still, for them, living had become important.

So they'd had sex one time while in the heat of a hell-on mission. That was as far as their sexual relationship went. Which of course meant that I'd dredged up painful memories for them, then compounded on the memories by making them much more than they actually were. I'd hurt them by not understanding the truth.

Then again, a part of me pointed out, they'd hurt me by hiding the truth.

In the end, though, it was all the same. We'd hurt each other, and Heero wasn't taken. It was... it was strange, to have that weight lifted. It didn't mean too much – but then again, it meant everything. I'd sworn I'd never tell Heero, but that was because I didn't want to throw my love in his face while he was so very happy with Wufei. But apparently...

Apparently things weren't so black and white.

I wanted to hope. I wanted to kill that hope. I wanted to try. I was terrified to. What was I going to do? What the hell was I going to do? What _could_ I do? Tell Heero and wait to see how he reacts? But right now, in this situation...

If Heero knew, would he kick me out? That might be... good. Then again, Heero had become a pretty damn nice person. What if he had me stay nonetheless? Then not only would there be danger, but there would be a disturbing awkwardness between us. That would... suck.

I was thrilled with having Heero's friendship again, especially as it showed me so much more about the man. And I'd told myself I would be content with that forever.

But that was for Heero and Wufei! What if someone else came, someone I didn't know – someone I may not even _like_ – and Heero got into a relationship with _him_?

Wait – wait. I gasped. Heero may not have a relationship with Wufei, but he was most certainly gay. Or at least bi.

Oh my god. Heero was available and he was attracted to men.

I rubbed my chest. Dare I try? But when? How? Would Heero like me back? Gods, I felt like a schoolgirl, giddy and nervous and terrified and excited. Should I try? Should I? What would happen? Well, I would never know unless I tried. And when things fell apart... well, there was always my cold, dark mistress waiting for me to return to her in my Wing.

I gently touched my stomach. It was true, though, that I shouldn't try to overdue it. I couldn't help anyone if I was unconscious, either. Then again, as I was, I wouldn't be able to help anyone, anyway. I had to get stronger. But how? How, when there was no time left?

I wouldn't let them get hurt. I _couldn't _let them get hurt. Not any of them. I cared for them all too much.

But if I left, would I be leaving them with the bastard, or would he chase after me? Worse, would Heero cry, or would _he_ chase after me, as well? I didn't know what to do!

I heard a noise over where Heero and Wufei had retreated. My mind immediately recognized the sound of a door opening. It was strange to know that nothing illicit had taken place in there.

Heero's eyes didn't meet mine as he entered. Wufei's, while Heero's were centered on the floor, sent a hard stare in Heero's direction. Then, with an exasperated sigh, he turned to me. "Maxwell..." He hesitated. "Is there anything you want to ask us?"

I thought I saw Heero flinch.

I waved my hands in the air wildly, my mind sinking immediately down to the gutter. "No, no, that's quite all right. I'm fine."

"Don't move your arm," Heero whispered.

I blinked, placing it down again. "Uh, Heero, you okay, man? You don't look too good."

He looked both pale and flushed at the same time. "I'm fine."

"You look like shit," I told him bluntly. "You know... it's... uh... it's good to know... uh, not..." Okay, how could Wufei talk about this so calmly? Talk about embarrassing. "Yeah, uh... there's no reason to worry about me. It's not... I mean, in your place... I don't know what I would've done." I wouldn't have had a partner with me. The only companion I would have had was death. And I probably would have accepted whatever invitation he offered. "So, uh, it's no big deal."

By now I was probably blushing at least as much as Heero.

Wufei let out an inarticulate growl. "For God's sake, the two of you are helpless. Yuy, we fucked. It's no big deal; I'm fairly certain people do it all the time. Maxwell isn't holding it against you, so let it go. And Maxwell, for crying out loud, we're talking about sex. Stop stammering like a kid."

"But," I argued feebly, "it's sex between my two best friends! Of course it's gonna be..." I faded off mid-sentence at the looks both were giving me. "What?"

Wufei's face split into a grin a mere millisecond before Heero's did. "Maxwell," Wufei said, and happiness leaked through that sardonic tone, "that's the first time you called us that."

My own eyes widened in understanding. I'd said something I hadn't let myself say – I'd called them my friends. Not just friends, but _best_ friends. I really was turning into a schoolgirl. "U-Uh, yeah." I lifted my chin. "So what?"

Those grins didn't abate in the least. If anything, they got even wider. "So we've been waiting a very long time to hear it."

"Thank you," Heero added. At least now he was looking at me and not the floor.

I shrugged, but that earned me a mini-glare. "Oops," I muttered. Wufei laughed.

"Well," he said, "since I'm here, why don't I join you for dinner?"

It was an unspoken rule that other ex-Gundam pilots were welcome at any time. If they showed up during mealtime, they got free food. That was just how it was.

Heero rolled his eyes. "Duo, don't move that arm," he reminded me again. The two retreated to the kitchen. I could hear conversation passing back and forth, but this time I knew with certainty that it wasn't about any sort of relationship-type stuff. Weird.

I closed my eyes and let myself rest for a short moment. They weren't a couple. I just had to keep telling myself that; it was so unbelievable. I had thought for sure...

Well, what else was I supposed to think? It was blatantly obvious that they'd had a relationship. How was I to have known that it wasn't nearly as deep as I had thought? It's not like they'd rushed to explain.

"Shit!"

A clang and crash. Broken glass scattered, tinkled on the tiled kitchen floor.

I sat up, crying out softly in pain. The voice had been Wufei's. Wufei never rose his voice. Nor did he make a habit out of swearing. "Wufei?!"

"Stay in there!" Heero snapped. This time I heard what I'd missed before: a sharp whistling sound, almost impossible to hear – a small thunk. A dart? A needle? How was it getting into the room?

"Heero!" I stood without thinking much about it. The pain rocketing up and down my body was dulled by the pour of adrenaline that was hitting my system.

"Stay in there!" Heero shouted again, his voice more forceful than the last time. That meant he was okay, at least. But what about Wufei? He hadn't spoken since that initial-

"Son of a bitch!"

Okay, so maybe he was all right, too.

I ignored Heero's orders, knowing that whoever was targeting them was actually after me. I struggled to the doorframe, leaned against the wall and slipped a quick look into the room.

A needle shot toward my face.

"Shit!" I yelped, echoing Wufei's outburst, and hid behind the wall. The needle shot forward, through the room and out the front window. "Shit, Heero, your house!"

"Fuck the house! _Stay in that room_!"

Needles. They reminded me of someone – a case I'd had about two years ago, a guy I'd thought was dead.

"Greaves!" I shouted suddenly, turning again toward the kitchen. "Greaves, you want me, not them!"

Things stopped breaking, and everything turned quiet. Either I was on-target or our perp was setting up for a bigger attack.

"Greaves!" I called again. I didn't understand; this wasn't Greaves' MO at all. "You want to get innocents involved? You never did this before. You never went after those who weren't on your hit list, so why now? Answer me, Greaves!"

I was taking a huge gamble. If this wasn't Greaves, I was pissing off the guy even more. But the needle had looked suspiciously like the needles I'd had thrown at me during that operation.

Could it be so simple? No, Greaves wouldn't throw those needles at me unless he wanted me to know it was him. He _wanted_ me to know he was after me. One warning. This was the second. But that wasn't Greaves' style. Had he truly changed so much?

Silence surrounded the house. Greaves wasn't going to answer. He'd never stayed silent before, either. No. Greaves had always spoken to me, even when...

"Greaves, what's your assignment?" I couldn't imagine the man coming after me for a personal vendetta. After all... after all, he was a bounty hunter, too. Just like me. "Who are you working for, Greaves? At least give me that."

I got a tingling sensation up and down my arms. I recognized the shiver instinctively. Without a thought, I ducked down to the ground.

With a small thunk, a needle embedded itself in Heero's wall. I stared at it, uncomprehending. Yes, they were the exact same needle. I knew it. I could tell. But why the hell was Greaves aiming for me without explaining himself? Was I really just another hit to him?

"Duo!" Heero raced into the living room and ducked down to my side. I vaguely noticed that I was clutching my stomach.

"Stay down and move away," I instructed. "If this is Greaves, he'll find a way to get to us from down here. He's like a fucking monkey."

Heero ignored me and helped me up. I winced; he'd needed to put a strain on my healing torso. "Come on," he said gently. "Tell us what you know."

I saw Wufei, his gun drawn, enter from the kitchen. "Status?" he questioned.

"I'm fine. Duo's not in danger, but he's out of his wheelchair."

"Good thing, too, or else I'd be helpless," I snapped. Neither said anything to that. "Look, I can take care of this. Greaves is a hunter like me, though he fancies himself more a hitman."

"An assassin?" Wufei hissed.

"Of sorts," I answered. "He doesn't work for one specific group, and he only chooses the kills he thinks are honorable. I don't understand why he's after me. It has to have something to do with his latest mission – but I could've sworn I'd seen him die..."

Heero set me on the floor in the hallway. No windows. We had some time. "Who is he?"

"Greaves – just Greaves." I sighed. "I looked into his past, but all I'd found was that the man had grown up an orphan on the streets, same as me. L3 instead of L2. He, uh, he probably learned about hunters from there, since Trowa's from that colony, as well." I glossed over how I knew that Trowa had been a mercenary. "He told me once that he'd been in the business for over twenty years, that he'd started just after he'd learned to tie his shoes. He's good, though, I can tell you that."

Heero crouched low beside me, balancing on the balls of his feet. "You spoke. So you worked together?"

Wufei crouched as well, keeping an eye on the living room and the window barely visible from the entrance to the hall. "No. No, we didn't. We crossed paths once, though. On a case."

"You fought him?" Wufei ventured.

"In a way. We played tag, I guess. A dangerous version of it, at any rate. We were both trying to buy time."

"Buy time?" Heero echoed. His eyes were searching my face.

I gestured with my uninjured hand, then immediately returned it to my throbbing midsection. "Yeah. I was waiting for the Preventors, and he was waiting for his boss to escape. I'd managed to bust an engine, so they needed to fix it. Greaves and I were basically stalling. I didn't have a reason to kill him; he wasn't a bad guy. He had no reason to kill me; I was just stalling. As long as I didn't make a move to kill him or return to the ship, he wasn't going to seriously attack me."

"So why is he coming after you now?" Wufei asked.

"It _has_ to have something to do with his newest mission. But..."

Heero turned away from me, scouting the hallway. There were a few doors – two bedrooms, one bathroom. All of the doors were closed, but that didn't mean someone couldn't be there, waiting. Calculating where we were based on our voices. "But what, Duo?" Heero asked softly. He'd come to the same conclusion I had.

"But something had gone wrong. They'd been too hasty with that damn engine. It... it had blown up."

Heero's eyes froze for a moment before turning to me. "How far from him were you?"

Heero knew – that was how Greaves had died. Or at least... that's what I'd thought. If he'd lived, it had been a miracle. "I was a row away, about ten feet. A crate of weaponry saved me, actually. I didn't take too much damage – a few burns, nothing big. Most of the scars have faded by now."

Heero looked like he wanted to rip off my clothes and see that for himself. "But he didn't have such protection."

"No," I answered, even though I knew he hadn't been asking a question. "He was right there in front of the hangar, completely unguarded. Your guys showed up about fifteen minutes later, I would guess. I'd been out for a bit, but... yeah, Une said fifteen minutes. I remember 'cause I gave her a hard time about it."

Wufei snorted. "You gave _Une_ a hard time?"

I grinned. "Yup."

He just sighed and shook his head. "Things look clear here, Heero."

Heero made a noncommittal sound. "I still want to make a full search around the house. Duo, you stay here."

"Oh, yeah, good idea. You two slip off alone to chart around while I sit here totally helpless-" That part burned "-and wait for him to circle around and get me."

Heero hesitated. "Fine. Call Une."

"On it," Wufei said, pulling out his cell phone. "How many?"

"I don't give a damn," Heero snapped. "A lot."

"Four," Wufei said primly and turned away from us. "Une? This is Chang."

"Heero," I hissed, turning to him. "This isn't Greaves' MO. He doesn't send out warnings, he doesn't attack civilians, and he sure as hell doesn't leave someone alive if he catches them by surprise."

"Duo, you _said_," Heero argued.

"No, I said _if_ this is Greaves."

"Then why the hell-"

"Heero, the needles are the same."

Heero rolled his eyes. "The same type of weapon isn't that surprising-"

"It is when the needles are hand-made," I retorted. Heero paused at that. "Greaves' needles were one-of-a-kind, Heero. He melted them down himself. No one else knows how to make those damn needles. But things are different. Greaves never worked like this. He wouldn't have attacked you two to begin with... and when he _had_, he wouldn't have missed."

"Are you telling me...?"

"I don't know," I answered, frustrated. I looked around. Wufei was still talking, his voice a bit too easy for someone who'd just been in a dangerous situation. But it was normal for us. "I don't know," I said again. "It's just not like him. He hadn't even gone after me when I'd destroyed that engine. He wouldn't have gone after you two just because you're holing me up. It's not like him. I read his mission reports, you know? No civilians had _ever_ been killed. He'd chosen to fail missions before letting that happen."

"...Hn."

Wufei snapped his cell phone closed. "They'll be here in fifteen."

"No rush," I muttered, then leaned my head back. Damn, my side hurt. "Well, at least we have a starting point now." I stopped, realizing what I'd said. _We._ I'd included them. That was dangerous. If Greaves had changed somehow... if he really was willing to kill anyone in his way...

But how had he missed Wufei? Had he fired a warning shot, hoping to make them leave? If that was the case... but no, Greaves still wouldn't have continued firing on them. Unless... unless he'd never had any intention of hitting them. "Damn," I breathed.

"What?" Heero asked.

"How close were the shots to you?" I asked, turning to them. For me, the shots came damn close. But then again, I was his target.

Heero's eyes hardened. "Not too close," he said, as if beginning to understand, as well. "Enough for us to not get hit, even if we tried to dodge incorrectly."

"Damn," I said again, "it _does_ fit."

"How so?" Wufei asked. His gaze shifted momentarily to me.

Hunched on the ground as I was, I was going to quickly gain a new set of raw areas. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but it was the safest. We were taking no chances while we waited. "A warning. Because we hadn't been enemies before."

Wufei's head tilted to the side. Even with his back to me, I knew what he was asking. "Yes, he does that. If he perceives the enemy as someone he doesn't wish to kill, someone who is also honorable, he'll send a warning, maybe two. But he'll always take them out eventually. Dammit, I should've seen it."

"So we have no more chances," Heero said grimly.

"But at least he won't be after you," I said. I felt the relief flow through me, warming me up. Then again, I was already hot enough with fire burning from my injuries.

"Duo," Heero snapped, "is that really your prime concern?"

His voice made it seem as if I was being stupid. I lolled my head to the side and gave him a sardonic look. "Of course. The well-being of those important to me. Isn't that _your_ prime concern?"

Heero's mouth moved, but nothing came out.

"Maxwell," Wufei breathed. "Two in one day? Stop, you're going to give us heart failure."

I glared at Wufei's back, but it didn't stop the blush from staining my cheeks. "Yeah, well," I muttered, "shut up."

Wufei barked out a surprised laugh. "Just sit tight, Maxwell. They'll be here shortly."

"Yeah, yeah." Like I could move with my stomach in so much pain. "I'll figure out what to do after the place is searched."

Wufei tsked. "Maxwell, I said stop the warm fuzzies, not pull away from us entirely."

"Huh?" I said brightly.

This time it was Heero who spoke, his eyes back on me and a smile tugging at his lips. "Duo, _we'll_ figure out what to do once the place is searched."

I thought about it. "Oh." I shrugged. "Okay." I caught sight of Heero's glare and groaned. "Sor-_ry_!"

* * *

Hehe. Yays. Plotline? OMG...

Well, I hope I at least partly made up for the short chapters...


	7. The One That Got Away

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gundam Wing. Dammit.

* * *

Sus Rosa

Chapter Seven

The One That Got Away

* * *

I was stuck on the bed while Heero and Wufei and three other Preventors officers scoured around looking for Greaves, who by now was long gone. I, of course, had been stuck with the most butt-ugly, irritating one out of the group. My luck, always god-awful, was holding up quite well under all the strain.

"So," I tried again, "you're how high up in the Preventors?"

"Not as high up as Yuy," the man grunted, looking around the bedroom. It was definitely disconcerting to be lying down in bed, sheets and cover firmly over me, with _this_ man standing over me. Even worse... this was Heero's bedroom.

I had blushed so badly when Heero had put me in here.

"_We'll be back soon. Until then, Duo, your job is to rest up." Heero pulled up the sheets and tucked them around my chin. The covers came up next._

"_Uh-huh," I mumbled, unable to look him in the eye. Heero's scent was everywhere – on the pillow, on the comforter, on the sheet, and of course it was coming off of the man himself in waves. God he smelled good._

"_Duo, I mean it. And don't worry; when we get back, we'll form a plan. Now rest."_

_I couldn't make my mumble sound like anything other than an embarrassed warble. Did he have to lean over me like that to tuck me in? His chest was right in front of my face, and all I could see were the muscles rippling underneath his shirt. Oh my god._

"_I'll be back soon."_

_I could only hum something, squeezing my eyes shut. A part of me wondered if Heero would kiss me on the forehead or something. But of course that only happened with couples – and only in the movies._

_I felt Heero retreat back to his side of the bed, no longer weighing himself over me to wrap me in a cocoon. He hesitated there for a moment. "Take care," he whispered finally. I could swear I felt the breath from his mouth stir the air around me._

_And then he left._

So here I was in his bed looking at one of the most difficult people I've had to deal with in _years_ and I hadn't heard back from either Heero or Wufei. Fantastic.

"So how high is 'not as high as Yuy'?" I asked, practically begging the man for conversation. I didn't like the way his eyes would flicker to me every once in a while.

"You know they don't rank that place with normal police rankings?"

Uh-oh. According to that guy's sudden change in tone, this topic might not have been the best. And his eyes were flickering toward me more. The vulnerable feeling I had tripled. If this guy was going to try something, I would have no choice but to cold-cock him. And then I'd be in even more pain. "Uh, yeah, I do know."

"They got rankings like... like..." He threw his hand through the air. I could see that he was only about a decade older than Heero or me, but... with his mustache – pencil-thin and sparse – and that hair of his in a business-like gel, he looked to be in his mid-thirties. And more like a distinguished Sherlock Holmes. I noticed that his perfect hair was coming loose with his movements and felt my gut tense. "I don't even know how to explain it. Rank E, then D, then C, B, A... and then that stupid fucking 'S' ranking. What the hell?"

"Yeah," I said calmly, "I always thought that was weird."

The guy had gray eyes. I hated gray eyes. I could see his face contort just a bit. His eyes were no longer flickering.

"Look at this place!" The man threw his arm again, apparently to indicate the bedroom. I was well aware that Heero's house was damn nice – and pretty damn big. But Heero had earned it. I felt anger begin bubbling under my skin. "That kid got an S rank just because he was one of them Gundam pilots-"

"Watch it, buddy," I warned. "You're talking to a partner of his."

The man's skin seemed to bulge, though I did see him still. Yeah, he stilled – a bit too much. "You're a Gundam brat, too?" He seemed to appraise me and find me lacking.

"Yeah. I am."

He stepped forward. Yeah – definitely trying to intimidate. "So what?"

I gave him my best Shinigami smile. "So shut up about my friend. I may be half-dead, but I can still kick your sorry ass, no matter your ranking." A vein popped, because his face suddenly turned into a tomato. "You know why we're 'S' rank, buddy? Because we were strong enough to take everyone else on and _win_. Got it?"

Ooh, he was steamed. His breath was short. His arms were shaking. Not his hands, his _arms_. "You stupid little-"

The bedroom door swung open. "Duo."

I turned at the sound of Heero's voice. Heero immediately paused and looked around, taking in the information. His eyes – I saw them; I could _watch_ them work – slitted to icy pinpricks as they turned on Mr. Mustache. "What the hell is going on here, Agent Krawley?"

Holy shit, it was the dead-freeze tone of a pissed-off Perfect Soldier. Krawley tripped over his own tongue. "Well, w-well, uh, n-nothing, sir."

Those dark Prussian eyes never looked away from the man. Krawley fidgeted.

With a sigh, I let him off the hook. "Heero, what did you come in for?"

For another small moment those eyes pierced into Krawley's soul, but then Heero turned them to me and let them soften into nothing more than a business-like look. "He's gone. Apart from the 'needles' and the property damage, there's no sign he was ever here."

I winced at the term 'property damage.' "Sorry about your house, Heero."

Heero shrugged it off with a careless lift of his shoulder. "I don't care about the loss. It can be repaired." Krawley seemed to take that news poorly. I saw him grit his teeth hard enough to crack them. I wondered if he had kids to feed, and if those kids were particularly eager for him to come home. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Heero gave me a look that told me he didn't think I'd managed much rest in the time while he was away. I tilted him a half-smile. With a shake of his head, Heero dismissed Krawley and walked toward the bed. I couldn't help but feel my nerves twist up. I was, after all, lying in his bed while he sauntered up. But all Heero did was sit down on the edge. "How do you feel?"

His voice was soft and warm. I knew now that he wasn't with Wufei, that it hadn't been anything romantic or long-lasting. But still, my desire to try was tempered by so many things – the timing, the chance of rejection. I thought about it, seriously thought about it for a moment. If I tried, something might happen. Greaves wouldn't go after Heero, I knew that, but Heero might do... something. So it all depended on Heero's reaction. Which was my one greatest fear – if I was rejected, what would I do?

"Duo?"

I jerked myself out of my own thoughts. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, really. Just... you know, the usual burning sensations."

Heero sighed. "In other words, you're in severe pain."

"Not severe," I argued. "Just enough that I can't really move comfortably."

"Sounds severe to me." The tone was too kind to be sarcastic. More like teasing.

"Heero. You may not have noticed this, but I haven't been able to move comfortably since our little interaction with Harlow."

Heero's eyes clouded for a moment, but he still smiled when he nodded. "I know." He turned around and stared at the door. "And just what had been going on with him?"

"Oh, that bastard." I carefully shrugged with only my good shoulder. "Yeah, well, it turns out he doesn't hold you – or other Gundam pilots, for that matter – in high regard."

"He insulted me?" Something in Heero's tone warned me before he even turned to look back at me. Somehow the wide, somewhat obnoxious grin wasn't a surprise. "And you...?"

I blushed. "Fine, yeah, I got your back."

"Duo, you are just full of... what did Chang call it? Warm fuzzies. You are full of warm fuzzies today."

I glared at him, but apparently one look at my tomato-red, distempered face was enough to make Heero Yuy burst out laughing. I think I managed to maintain my glare for another two seconds. "He dissed you," I muttered petulantly.

Heero's mirth died down to chuckles. He managed to get out a short, "thank you," before needing to focus on shutting up.

"So what now?" I asked him, not waiting for him to get his breath back. Laugh at me, will you.

Heero had to clear his throat, but it didn't clean the grin plastered all over his damn face. "We'll wait for Wufei. He should be back soon."

I nodded. "Greaves really won't take you guys out... not unless you get in the direct way of his mission."

"Well, if his mission is to kill you, then you're damn right we won't let him get his way."

I winced. I'd been afraid of that. "Heero, I don't want you and Wufei taking this guy on. Especially since I can't do anything. I'll be more useless than... than Relena!"

Heero cocked an eyebrow.

"Well," I said defensively, "you have to admit that she'd be absolutely useless on the battlefield."

Heero's lips twitched. "Be that as it may, she's _very_ good at keeping the peace."

I wasn't fond of her, dammit. Admitting she was good at something hurt me physically. Then again, wasn't she one of the two who managed to bring Heero out of his shell? Not, I was painfully reminded, me. "Yeah, I know," I grumbled.

Heero was silent for a moment, contemplating my response. Those eyes were delving into my soul again. They had a bad habit of doing that. "You know, you never seemed to like her much."

How to explain? "Yeah, well, she was a pain throughout... hell, isn't she still? I heard she was kidnapped just over a year ago." And, hello? Was I the only one to see Harlow's gun against her head?

Heero's lips twitched again. "Yes. Wufei and I were the ones to retrieve her, actually."

I groaned out loud. "Please God tell me that she didn't glomp you."

"Glomp me?" Heero echoed.

Wufei's chuckle slid through the room just as the door twisted open. "Maxwell," he gasped mockingly, "how did you know?"

I groaned again.

"Glomp?" Heero turned to his partner for an answer.

"Jumped into your arms and hugged you," Wufei explained. He turned to me. "But they're just friends now. Heero's informed her of that."

I lifted a brow, turning to Wufei. He was the one most likely to explain things. "Just friends?"

"She wanted more," he clarified.

Heero's face fell into his hand. "Chang," he warned.

Wufei just shrugged. "Well, it's true. Heero had to kindly inform Her Highness that he wasn't interested, nor would – or could – he ever be."

I think Heero and I blushed at the same time. I turned my face to concentrate on the comforter – a nice geometric pattern of primary colors, greens and purples. It suited him somehow. Amidst the pattern, though, was a loose thread. I picked at it. "So, uh, the plan?"

Wufei didn't manage to fully swallow back his chuckle in time. "Yes. Heero, any suggestions?"

I didn't look up to be sure, but I still knew without a doubt that Wufei was smirking. "Um..." Heero cleared his throat again. "Yes. We can't stay here and just wait. He knows the perimeter already."

"Not to mention the property damage," I croaked out. So Heero was definitely gay, one hundred percent gay. That was... illuminating.

Heero sighed. "That's not exactly the most important aspect of all this."

For one horrifying split second, I thought I'd spoken out loud again. But then I remembered my earlier comment and realized he was talking about that. Thank God. I managed to give him a quick look.

This time his sigh was accompanied by a hand snaking through his hair. "Fine, fine. Expenses aside, though, we need to inform Trowa of the situation."

I winced.

"Sorry, Duo, but it can't be helped." Heero's eyes showed sincere apology.

"No, no, it's fine. You need to protect Quatre." I hesitated. "And Trowa, of course."

Wufei hummed an affirmative. "After they're informed, they can be ready. I doubt they'll be targeted, though, if what you're saying holds up."

I couldn't help but agree. Quatre and Trowa weren't the targets. Neither were Heero or Wufei. I looked at them, at their determined faces. They were ready to throw themselves into an impossible situation in order to make things easier on me, to try to save me from Greaves.

I couldn't, absolutely couldn't, let them get hurt.

"So we have them taken care of," I spoke aloud. "It's getting dark – an opportune time for him to return."

"He'll come back that quickly?" Suddenly Heero's attention was sharper.

"If he believes we've become lax, then yes. But he knows I know his secrets. He'll be more careful than usual. He's sent out the warning to me and the one to you. The only thing he's waiting for is the right moment." Not quite true. He was waiting for me to make my inevitable decision and await the time. He had respect for me – that meant he was waiting for a fair fight.

"We won't let him have it," Heero said coldly.

I nodded. Yes, that was the very problem. "As soon as he understands that, he'll target you, as well."

"We'll be ready, Maxwell. Don't worry about us."

A stupid thing for Wufei to ask. He had to know – my worry for him and Heero and Quatre and even Trowa had never abated. I didn't bother to reply – he knew very well that I wouldn't agree with his words. Instead I continued on. "Once he's started targeting all three of us, we'll gain an edge. He'll be divided. He works on quick and silent kills. Usually a needle to the neck, maybe two."

"Efficient," Wufei murmured.

"But once he's trying to get three people, he'll need to either be damn fast or damn patient," Heero finished for me. "Because killing three people when they're in the same room together would be difficult at best."

"That's right. But I've seen him take down five at once – bam bam bam bam bam. Just like that. So at least one of us would need to be in a position where it would be hard for him to take us out."

Wufei nodded. "Still there, but not a quick and easy kill."

"Exactly." I nodded. "He'll be waiting for a perfect moment to strike."

"All right, then. Back to watches." Wufei sighed. "I'll take the first one."

Heero nodded. "We shouldn't leave someone alone in a room."

I looked around. "Well, this one's as good as any. If we keep the shutters drawn and the lights off, he should be thwarted for at least a short while. He doesn't like too much technology. At least not from everything I've looked up about him."

"All right." Heero stood, moving to the window without fear. I watched him carefully. "Duo, you need to get some rest. I want you to take the bed. I'll have the floor."

I put up a token protest, but I needed him on the floor. I nodded finally and huffed. "Fine."

* * *

Three hours later, my watch came up. I was armed with a gun by Wufei and stood from the bed. I leaned against the wall for a few minutes, giving Wufei time for fall asleep. Then I grabbed up the notepad by Heero's bed, carefully clicking the pen's point out. With a quick sweep of my hand, my message was left plain on the paper, black as my own sins.

I placed them silently back down on the nightstand and moved to the door. I had to pause, had to turn around. Heero's face was calm in sleep, his mouth neither frowning or smiling. He laid on his back, waiting for a noise to wake him up. But he was listening for the wrong noises.

I made myself turn away, made myself open the door and leave, closing it carefully behind me. It was simple from there to slip out of the house. Greaves was there before me, his hair dark as the night, his eyes a golden brown. His nose, tilted at a slight angle due to a break earlier in life, threw shadows on his face. But I could still see the scars that traced down what had once been a stunningly beautiful frame.

"Strike," he murmured.

"Greaves," I greeted.

"Come with me." He turned away, letting me follow behind him. He knew I wouldn't shoot him in the back. Because I was honorable, and so was he.

I didn't let myself look back. I'd made a promise. There was no reason for me to mourn. No reason for me to linger.

When Heero woke up for his shift, he would find me gone. Eventually – maybe immediately – he would see my message. I hoped he would understand.

He'd made us all a promise that last instant before he shot the Libra. _"I will not die!"_

In return, I gave Heero my own little promise:

I will return.


	8. Try Too Hard

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is still not mine. Dammit.

Note: Okay, so this is where things break up. Bite me.

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Eight

Try Too Hard

* * *

"Greaves. How did you survive?"

He didn't turn to look at me as we continued down the sidewalk. We'd turned in early – around eight o'clock after all the police work stuff had been completed. It wasn't even midnight. There was a car making its way to a home nearby, but otherwise the place was quiet. Heero had picked a good neighborhood.

"I was found by... some people," he told me. "They were willing to patch me up."

"For a price," I guessed.

"Of course. When does a gift come for free?"

I winced. He and I may be honorable, but we understood the darker parts of human nature. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd survived. If I had..."

"If you had, you would have saved me. I understand that. I never doubted your honor, Strike."

I nodded. Of course he hadn't. If he had, we wouldn't be calmly walking toward our battlefield.

"May I ask why?" The block we were following ended on a T. Greaves led me to the right, past a house with one light still on. I wondered idly who was still awake while everyone else had turned in.

"They are a very large organization, Strike. One that felt an extreme power shift when you took down their leader a few months ago."

I winced. "Which one?"

"Caribol."

I nodded. "He needed to go down, Greaves."

"I am not arguing for the man, just for my... employers, shall we call them? In any case, they need you gone. You are the last one. Once I kill you, I am a free man again."

"Did they promise you that?"

"Yes. And if they don't do as they promised, I will be gone, anyway. I won't be returning to them again."

"Okay." I could understand that. "I'm sorry about all this, man, but I can't hold back."

"You have others now." We turned left this time. I could recognize now where he was taking me. Nearby was a park, a pretty one only slightly tainted by humans. And on two sides of that park spread a wilderness a few miles deep. At midnight, you could bet the place would be well deserted. Except for the occasional druggie and drinker, but maybe this experience would send them a message.

"Yeah," I replied. "I do."

"How did that happen?"

I shrugged. He couldn't know that this walk alone was taking its toll on me. My return would be on my hands and knees. "Long story short, I guess I never really lost them to begin with."

"I am sorry, then, that I must take you from them."

"Sorry, pal, but I don't intend to let you."

One last turn, and the park was right ahead of us, waiting. "Of course you don't," he murmured. "Are you prepared?"

"No, I just decided to walk out of the house completely unarmed. It was a shock to find you there waiting, I must say." I pulled out Wufei's gun and checked it. Of course it was in pristine condition – it was Wufei's.

"Still with that humor of yours."

"Still Mr. Stoic," I murmured. I had listened to him speak that day and couldn't help but think that the man seemed to be a bastard mix of Heero and Wufei.

A wrought iron gate stood between us and the park. I looked at it with trepidation. Walking was difficult enough. The fight would kill me. If I had to climb that fucking gate, I was toast.

"I understand your circumstances, Strike." Greaves took out a needle from God only knows where and struck it down on the lock around the gate. "I want you in as good a shape as you can be."

Damn. He knew. He wouldn't take advantage, but he knew. I let myself hold my stomach for the first time since I'd stood in Heero's bedroom. "Thanks," I managed.

He said nothing more, but led me inside. It was a short, silent walk to the East woods, much closer than the woods to the North. I followed him, still watching that lean frame of his. "The scars... they couldn't fix those?" I said once we breached the first row of trees.

"More like they didn't want to," he answered. "Getting rid of my burns wouldn't make me a better fighter."

"Whoa, wait a minute." I paused. "They enhanced you?"

"Sorry, Strike." His voice was quiet now. "I can't remember fully how I moved before the enhancements. I won't be able to even that playing field."

I shrugged nonchalantly, but it was kind of ruined when I winced. "Eh, no big deal. It'll just be a greater victory when I walk away." More like crawl away.

Greaves chuckled. "Of course."

We continued silently then, entering the grassy scope of forest. It was even darker inside; the trees covered the moon. I could just barely make out the twisting branches reaching for me, the roots buried beneath the leaves. With the pain radiating through me, it was difficult to maintain my balance. And every time I had to, my stomach protested sharply. Yeah. This was gonna be hard.

I breathed a sigh of relief when we finally stopped. The area was thicker than others we'd passed. Deeper. There was a smaller chance of civilian interference, at least.

"Should we wait?" Greaves turned to face me head-on.

I thought of Heero and Wufei and the likelihood of them getting involved. The sooner they woke up, the sooner they would realize that I had skipped out on them. The sooner they realized that, the sooner they put up a search and the sooner they found me. Definitely couldn't let that happen.

"No," I answered. "No. Let's do this now."

Greaves nodded. "I understand." Before I could blink, another needle joined the one still carried in his hand. He held them up until they glittered in a small patch of moonlight. "Shall we get started, then?"

I double-checked my gun one last time, tested the feel of it. "Sure." I aimed it at him. "No hard feelings?"

His smile was grim. "None."

* * *

Something was wrong.

Heero sensed it intuitively, something that not only grabbed his soldier's instincts and shook them but also grabbed his heart, as well.

It was strange, powerful and strange and impossible to ignore. He let his eyes slide open, immediately looking about the room.

He jolted up from his bed as if on auto-pilot.

He moved to Wufei, gently touching his shoulder. It was enough to jolt his partner awake, eyes clear and sharp.

"He's gone," Heero managed, a whisper that almost broke at the end.

Wufei surged to his feet, Heero mere milliseconds behind him. "What?" Wufei hissed. "Where?"

Heero shook his head, pain singing through his chest. Had Duo truly abandoned them? Again? "I don't know."

Wufei strode around the room to search for clues. Heero watched impassively. "He took my gun," Wufei growled. Heero's eyes followed Wufei's form without passion. Duo was gone. Why? They'd agreed...

But Duo had never promised.

Heero hung his head. Of course Duo would leave. Of course he would try to face this all alone, injured and... and without him.

"Heero."

The tone on Wufei's voice made Heero look up. Wufei was turned to him, a small piece of paper in his hand. Heero numbly recognized it as a piece from the notepad kept by the bed. An instant later his eyes snapped. "He left a note?"

"Here." Wufei held it out for Heero to take. Heero felt a frisson of fear climb up his back. What would it say?

Only one way to find out.

He carefully took it from Wufei's outstretched hand. He saw the penmanship, instantly recognizing Duo's unelegant scrawl. It took him no time at all to decipher the handwriting.

I will return.

Heero heard a low moan from somewhere as he crumpled the paper in his hands. Return? He'd promised to return. Fear and hope and worry churned in his gut.

"Heero," Wufei murmured.

"But he's still so injured," Heero moaned, only then realizing that the earlier sound had escaped his own lips.

"We need to find him." Wufei opened Heero's nightstand drawer and pulled out Heero's gun. "And quickly."

Heero creased out the paper he'd crumpled and placed it into his pocket. "Understood." He had another gun, not Preventor-issued. He retrieved that from its hiding place within a secret chamber of his bureau. He picked it up, then on a thought grabbed his cell phone, as well. He hit the number nine, speed-dialing Une.

"Let's go," Wufei said tersely. Heero could do nothing more than nod, the note burning a hole in his pocket. They both strode out, one of Heero's hands on his gun, the other clenching his phone tight enough to break.

* * *

Another desperate dodge.

It was impossible to move gracefully, injured as I was. (1) Impossible to dodge every attack. I was very conspicuously not using my gun – Wufei's gun – in order to save the bullets. I didn't have many chances.

He was faster than before, faster than I could have imagined. Greaves had definitely gained a lot from his almost-death experience.

Then again, I thought, he'd lost many things, as well.

Greaves came at me from the side, fairly flying in his speed. I, a thousand times more clumsy, grabbed my burning torso with my free hand and twisted the gun in my grip to let me catapult off my hand. A once simple move that almost made me black out. I thought back to that pathetic attempt at standing just – what? Earlier that day? – and managed to land steadily on my feet. Greaves was already in front of me again. I had no choice but to accept the hit, my grip on the gun still twisted. I fired a bullet at point-blank range before retreating back into a tree, but I immediately had to dodge once again.

My injured shoulder had taken another hit. My free hand slipped up to it, feeling the fresh blood spew forth. I grimaced, hardly able to take satisfaction in the fact that I'd managed to hit Greaves with my own bullet. It had only grazed one of his legs. That would only slow Greaves down to perhaps a normal person's speed, at most. I still wouldn't be able to dodge that.

"I am sorry, Strike," Greaves murmured.

"Shut it," I said amicably, hoping my voice didn't sound as pained to Greaves as it did to me. "I understand."

I had maybe another couple minutes before my adrenaline rush failed to hide the accumulating pain emanating from my wounds. A couple of minutes. I clenched my hand around the gun and scowled. Fine.

I'd made a promise, goddammit.

"Let's do this," I growled, closing my eyes for a short second. If I couldn't stop the pain, I would turn it to my advantage. And the only way to do it was to allow Shinigami to take over.

When my eyes opened again, they echoed of madness.

I raced forward, letting my free arm drop from my wounded shoulder.

I could win this. I could defeat Greaves, enhanced as he was. I just needed to force events into alignment with my own desires.

Greaves came at me, straight on. I understood the man's drive to be honorable and winced internally. It almost made me falter. But I continued, bringing my free hand out and swiping at the air.

My blood flew into Greaves' eyes.

Greaves dodged, slightly surprised by my move, confused that I would do such a thing. But then his eyes glinted in understanding. I moved to the man's right, rolling, using the indescribable pain to infuriate me and get me to roll back up. I felt the wind shift, knew one of Greaves' little dart-needles was flying toward me. I twirled like a stinking ballerina, aimed a trajectory and fired.

And heard a grunt.

I raced behind a tree, not allowing myself to stop, not letting myself feel the pain yet. Not yet. I still had things to do.

"You've suddenly improved, Strike," Greaves called, his voice a bit labored. I wondered where I'd hit – I'd aimed for the torso, a surefire hit. I could have hit anything from a kidney to a lung. Well, not a lung, since the man was calling to me. "Is this the demon's form I was warned about?"

"Demon, nothin'," I called back, continuing to move. "I'm Shinigami."

Greaves paused for a moment before speaking again. "The God of Death." It was a quiet murmur, but the next wasn't. "Fine, Shinigami. Let us see if a man like me can cheat you."

I laughed. "Man, I don't get you." I flew out from behind my barked shield, gun pointed out. Greaves did the same.

It was quick, very quick. It all happened in a few seconds.

I rolled again, this time catapulting myself up with, of all things, my bad arm. Greaves, shocked by this, hesitated before throwing his little needle. My hand buckled for a split second, agony tearing up my arm and slamming through my head and chest and torso. I lifted my gun as I twisted in the air and shot the needle away, immediately shooting twice more.

Greaves managed to dodge the first bullet, but not the next.

I felt a pain lance through my chest and looked down. Greaves had thrown a second needle, unseen in the blur of my tunnel vision. It went straight into my chest, just missing my heart. I fuzzily thought about trajectory and screamed internally in relief – it hadn't pierced a lung, either.

Both of us crumpled to the ground rather unceremoniously. I didn't know about Greaves, but my adrenaline blazed out, leaving me weak and horrifyingly unable to move. My wounds screamed with every breath. Just twitching my fingers seemed like torture. I bit my lip to bleeding just to bite down a groan. "Yo, Greaves, you alive?"

Silence. Then, "yes."

"Hey, man," I said easily, "can you stand?"

Another silence. I tried to move again and almost shrieked. I didn't try again after that. "Not for a while," the other managed then. "You move strangely. How did you manage...?"

"Yeah," I wheezed, "sorry 'bout that. Comes with the territory. I... was a Gundam pilot, after all."

Greaves made a knowing noise. "Ah."

We laid there in silence for quite a bit, neither of us able to stand and make our next move.

"You know," I said, breaking the eerie silence of the forest. Our fight had scared away all of the wildlife. "We _could_ just call this a draw. You fought me 'n' whatever."

Greaves understood what I was saying. "You don't want to kill me."

"Nah." If I weren't bleeding brokenly on the forest floor, I would have shrugged negligently. "And I don't want you goin' to prison, either."

I idly noticed that my voice had started falling into my old street speak. I scowled. "You can start over, Greaves. Act like you died or something."

Greaves' chuckle was humorless. "Thank you, Strike, but no. I would rather not."

Yup. A bastard mix of those two stubborn assholes. "You know, your honor hasn't been compromised."

"I dueled you when you were practically dead." Greaves' chuckle then actually seemed lighter than before. "Though I must admit to being impressed. Despite everything, when you fight seriously, you are impossible to beat."

"Heero could kick my ass," I said flippantly. Then, "sorry about the blood thing, man."

"It evened the field a bit."

I tried one more time to move, managing to get my good arm underneath me. With a wrench, I drew myself up onto my knees, clutched my injured shoulder and winced. Loudly. "I can't afford to lose anymore, Greaves."

Greaves was silent. "I understand." I shuddered to my feet. Greaves, too, struggled to sit up. I could see Greaves' blood everywhere. I hissed. "Shit, Greaves."

Greaves chuckled. "It suits. It should have happened a while ago."

"Don't be stupid," I snapped. "You aren't dying yet." I stumbled forward, wincing and crying out in pain. My eyes swam, blurring and blanking out completely. I needed to move just a bit more; I needed to help Greaves. I couldn't let the man die. I just... couldn't...

I fell like a stone back to the ground. The pain ripped through me anew. I wished dumbly that one of the drinkers would show up to help. The last thing I wanted was for a family to walk through come morning and find two bloody corpses.

"Shit," I muttered.

I let my eyes close, thinking about... about Heero. Of course Heero would come to mind, an unbidden image permanently ingrained on my psyche. I wished, in that moment, that I'd stupidly blurted out my feelings for the man. I should have... a long time ago... even if it meant death.

I grinned stupidly. At least I knew Heero wasn't the killing-over-stupid-shit kind of person anymore.

"Duo!"

Miracle of miracles, it was Heero. I was just barely aware enough to know I wasn't hallucinating. I felt a solid weight beside me and hissed. It was tiring to always be the one needing help. "Help him," I whispered.

"Duo... he's gone."

I slitted my eyes open in fear, only to end up staring disbelievingly. The bastard had lied about being able to get up. "Cheeky ass," I muttered.

Heero checked me over, hissing at my new wound. "Wufei," he called tersely. He stood, and I heard the distinct sound of a cell phone being flipped open.

I felt a fear pierce me as the darkness grew in my vision. What if I never woke up this time? What if this was the last chance...?

Wufei came over to take Heero's place, looking equally disturbed at my appearance. I stretched out a hand beyond Wufei's frame, trying to bring Heero back. Pain snatched at my movements, making them slow and jerky. "H-Heero..."

"He's calling Une to tell her we need an ambulance," Wufei told me.

I shook my head. "Heero..." A part of me noted my apparent need to black out before said ambulance arrived.

Heero heard me and immediately came to my side, the phone practically forgotten in his hand. Wufei snatched at it, tersely answering a tinny voice on the other end.

I focused my eyes on Heero. His eyes were slightly wild, seeing what I felt – my lifespan might be cut drastically short. "I'm sorry," I murmured.

"Hush." His voice couldn't hide his fear.

Should I really say it and leave him... leave so suddenly afterwards? I grimaced. The need to say it was, in the end, too strong. "I..."

"Duo, don't talk. You can tell me when you wake up."

We both knew the chances of that happening – especially since I'd tested Fate less than a month prior. I shook my head. It made bright spots spark in the darkness of my vision. "Have to," I muttered hoarsely.

"Heero, she's on her way." The cell phone was snapped closed. Wufei leaned down by Heero, assessing me. His eyes flashed the same fear prominent in Heero's eyes. "Maxwell, just hold on."

I grinned. "Too stubborn," I managed. It made Wufei's mouth lift in a smile, but his eyes didn't change. I turned back to Heero. "I wanna wake up," I told him. "Because I swore to return."

Were those tears in Heero's eyes? My vision was too blurry to be sure.

"You're not allowed to die, Maxwell," Wufei growled.

It made me smile. My eyes roamed Heero's face, wanting to memorize it. Just in case. "Heero..."

"Duo," he said, and those were definitely tears in his voice if not on his face. "Hold on."

This seemed a bit too familiar. Why was I always the one dying? Oh yeah. Because I never let it be anyone else's job. What a martyr I turned out to be. "Love you," I murmured softly.

Heero froze.

I closed my eyes, allowing the pain full reign. It swamped me, pulled me under. "Wanted you to know." My words were no more than a breath.

"Duo..."

If Heero's voice had been pained before, it was agonized now. "Didn't tell you... before." My body went numb, only my fingertips and toes tingling slightly. The numbness that came with black-outs like this. "Thought you and... Wufei..."

Heero made a gasping, choking noise. He couldn't seem to speak.

"Sorry..." The word was hardly audible.

"Duo..."

"Gonna pass out now."

"Duo, no!" Heero screamed, grabbing me up, careful of my wounds, "you're not allowed to die, goddammit!"

"Heero..." The tingling in my extremities passed, as did everything else.

"Duo, dammit! Not like this!"

I felt kind of bad, in a vague, unimportant way. The darkness in my head changed subtly, taking on a dark blue hue. It made it easier to accept my defeat.

Shinigami wanted payment for taking his name.

* * *

I sincerely apologize for the change in POV, and for everything breaking up so horrifically. But yeah... I wanted to get the others' actions in, so basically this got blown to shit. Sorry.

Yeah, I'll just say I love all who are still reading this and hope I haven't irritated you with the swiftness of this. But worry not! Sub Rosa isn't over yet. Bwahaha.

FYI, I hate deathfics. Yup.


	9. Unwind

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing still isn't mine. Dammit.

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Nine

Unwind

* * *

"Wufei..."

"Shh, Heero. We've been given _good_ news, remember?"

There was a creaking noise, as if someone needed to adjust themselves in a seat. "I just realized..." A shuddering sigh. "The poem."

Silence. "God."

"It's me. It's me, Wufei."

"Heero..."

"I'm the one who hurt him. It was... it was me."

Another short silence. Then, "Heero Yuy, if you give up, I will kill you."

A low chuckle. "...Understood."

* * *

I was sick and tired of waking up in an empty hospital room.

But as soon as I awoke and had that exact thought, Heero and Wufei both stepped through the open door.

"Duo!"

Both rushed to my side, though Heero was immediately given place by my head. Closest. I wondered if that was deliberate. I could vaguely remember telling him I loved him – the three words I'd once sworn to never utter. But his eyes didn't show hesitation or guilt or remorse or even discomfort. There was worry there, and concern.

"Morning," I whispered, remembering how dry my mouth had been before.

Wufei snorted. "It's afternoon, Maxwell."

I rolled my eyes. "Technicality."

Heero could only smile stupidly. He put his forehead on the bed's metal frame, sighing. I frowned. "Heero?"

He mumbled something unintelligible.

"Huh?"

Wufei scoffed. "Yuy, why don't you try looking at him when you say it?"

I flicked my gaze back and forth at the both of them, utterly confused. "Uh, does this have anything to do with my little confession?"

Wufei smiled warmly back at me. "Yes, thank God. Of course it ended up being you who did it first."

"First?" I echoed.

Heero shot Wufei a glare, but when he turned to me, his entire face was infused with joy. "I..."

I cut him off then, almost wild. "Look, uh, it was in the heat of the moment, 'kay?" I thought I saw hurt on Heero's face, so I hurried on. "Uh, not that I don't care about you guys or anything-"

Wufei sighed. "Maxwell, for the love of God, shut up."

I turned to him, then back to Heero. Those dark blue eyes of his were so sad it made my chest constrict. I winced.

"Does something hurt?" Heero asked, his eyes scanning over my undoubtedly injury-strewn body. I hated how that made me flush.

"Uh... no..."

"Yuy." Wufei nudged his partner. Hard. "Say it, for God's sake. He went first, and you not saying anything is-"

"I know," he snapped, then flicked his gaze back to me. He seemed... embarrassed.

I squeezed my eyes shut. He was going to say something to try to make me feel better without... to try to maintain a friendship while...

"Duo... look at me?"

I winced again. It would only be this last time, and then I could put that ridiculously idiotic action behind me. God, how could I have been so stupid? Opening my eyes was so much harder than it should have been.

But when I did, Heero was giving me a tremulous smile. His hands were gripping the metal frame, however, hard enough for it to break. "Duo," he started, then paused to give a glare to Wufei, who had seemed about ready to speak up again. Then it was back to piercing those eyes into me. "Duo, I... I love you, too."

My heart tripped. I distinctly felt my heart trip. It was probably why I suddenly couldn't breathe.

Of course the moment was ruined, as reality was wont to do – at the sudden skipping of my heart monitor, a nurse rushed into the room.

Heero and Wufei moved away, Heero's eyes remaining on me, and I let the nurse flutter over me, taking blood pressure and temperature and checking my chart. "How long...?" My eyes were glued to Heero's face. He looked more at peace than I'd ever seen him.

"A couple of days," Wufei said easily.

"You're lucky," the nurse chimed in. "With the injuries you already had, your newest could have messed you up permanently. You're very resilient."

I could've told her why, that I'd been trained since infancy to survive in the worst conditions, but I didn't know if that would go over too well. "Thanks," was all I said instead.

She turned to me, her gaze stern. "You can't afford to return for at least another few months. Do you understand?"

I cocked an eyebrow. "Damn. There go my plans for the weekend."

The woman would not allow my jokes to make her smile. "Good." She finished the latest of whatever the hell she was doing and turned away. "I'll call the doctor in."

"Could he..." I hesitated, my eyes slipping back to Heero. I distinctly heard my heart monitor skip again. "Could he wait a moment?"

She raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. "I suppose five minutes won't make or break you." She walked off, her heeled shoes clacking.

Heero came straight back to my side. Wufei just leaned back against the wall, letting the moment continue but apparently unwilling to leave.

My eyes tried to devour Heero's face. "Did..."

Of course fears would swamp me now. Of course I would doubt. Heero smiled. "I love you."

My heart monitor went into overdrive. "I..."

Heero's smile faltered for a short bit. "I understand that believing me will be... hard." His eyes seemed distant for a moment. "But I _will_ prove it to you."

I couldn't fully understand the sudden change. All this time, hadn't he...? "I... don't know what you mean." I thought for a second. "You... like me?"

"Is that what I said?" Heero asked.

I couldn't imagine it. "But... how? Why?"

Heero laughed shortly, his face flushing a bit. It wasn't nervousness or embarrassment. If I had to guess, it was probably because he... he was so happy. "I have no idea how," Heero murmured, "and why would take days to explain. I would actually love to hear that answer from _you_."

Confused and over weighted with what could only be hope, I could only stutter. "I asked you first." Damn that sounded petulant.

Heero laughed. "Where to start?" He carefully traced his fingers down my arm, trapped in a cast. "Your concern for others, I suppose. Your strength." I snorted, but he blatantly ignored it. With a sigh, he dropped his head back down to the bars holding me in. "Everything. Even your stubbornness and recklessness."

I humphed. "Right."

Wufei moved slightly. "Maxwell, I can vouch for Heero's feelings for you. This past month alone I've had to sit listening to him mourn over you and second guess himself."

My eyes flicked between them, flashing to Wufei's serious expression before returning to see a new sort of flush on Heero's cheeks. He glared darkly at his partner.

I blushed, too. "Sorry," I said to Heero.

But Wufei cut in before Heero could formulate any words. "Maxwell, you have no idea how great a favor you have done me." At my confused look, he continued. "Now Heero doesn't have to come to me with his problems. You solved them. I am eternally grateful."

"Thanks for backing me up, partner," Heero growled. His eyes were studiously examining my cast. "I was afraid," he admitted, "after you... after you told me..."

After I'd confessed. "Uh-huh?"

"I thought... I was afraid I'd waited too long. That I wouldn't get the chance to tell you."

"But the doctors said you looked a lot worse than you actually were," Wufei cut in again.

Heero nodded. "They said you would be fine. And I swore that as soon as you woke up, I would tell you. No more doubts. But you just had to wake up when I was in the cafeteria, didn't you?" Heero's mouth quirked, then slid back down. "I never had the strength to say it. Wufei pestered me constantly for being a coward." I could just imagine. "Hell, if he hadn't... told you..."

I almost shrugged before noting how much pain doing such would cause. I settled for quirking my lips up. "It's true." I closed my eyes and let the feeling wash through me. The cuts and scrapes lacerating my heart almost burned at the feel of the salve placed on them. After all this time, could something like this really be happening? Maybe... maybe sometimes...

"Of course it's true, Maxwell," Wufei huffed. "Heero would never use those words so lightly."

Of course not. Of course he wouldn't.

I smiled so broadly it almost split my face. "You..." It seemed too cheesy to say it again, but the words mattered too much not to. I just had to close my eyes, that's all. "Again?"

Wufei covered a snort rather poorly, but Heero merely chuckled. "I love you."

There was no possible way to describe the elation inside me. It was like all of the shadows and pain and anguish was blistered away by the heat of the sudden light. It was impossible to keep my eyes closed.

All those times I'd thought I'd seen more. I couldn't believe I really had, that fighting my heart had been wrong, that all this time Heero's concern and fear and kindness truly were stronger for me than I'd let myself believe. It was all right there, right now, in an even more brilliant light, right there in his eyes. I'd seen it all this time and had never allowed myself to comprehend it.

I think I grinned at him like a loon.

Heero's eyes warmed just a bit more, just a bit more than I'd ever seen before, and then I saw him lean in, and in a split second I knew what he had planned.

I closed my eyes as he kissed me.

It was lightning. It was sweet. It was that punch of initial victory matched with the cool sensation of peaceful interludes. It was fire, burning, searing. And it was calm and cloying and deep. An ocean. If I hadn't felt the tears and forced them back, I would have wept. It was perfect.

Except that I couldn't wrap my arms around him and force him down when he decided to let me loose.

I scowled. "That's it?"

Heero laughed and nodded over his shoulder. "I fear for Wufei's health."

I turned my eyes reluctantly away from that face and saw Wufei glaring at the window, his face beet red.

"Sorry, 'Fei," I called out, but I really didn't feel sorry at all. Wufei's eyes flickered to me and cast a sardonic look at my less-than-repentant grin. He quickly looked away again.

The moment was ruined once more at the entrance of the infamous doctor. Heero stepped aside for the man.

"All right, Mr. Maxwell, let's see how you're doing."

I didn't even spare the man a glance. I was absolutely positive that I was doing just fine now.

* * *

"So Greaves escaped," I murmured, secretly pleased.

Heero stopped propping the pillows behind my head and back and nodded. "We never found him, despite the blood loss."

I nodded as well. "How much lost blood?"

"Not enough to kill him," Heero said carefully. Those eyes were piercing me. Wufei's eyes weren't nearly as able to split through my defenses. Another sign I'd pushed from my mind.

It was still incredible, still unbelievable, for me to think that Heero... that he _loved_ me. My mind was still slightly numb. I knew it would catch on and hit me later. Only it was two days later _now_.

I shivered.

"Cold?" Heero asked in concern.

I had no idea how that could be possible, considering I was covered head to toe in blankets. I shook my head.

It was oddly comforting to be back at Heero's house, confined to bed rest or not. It was baffling to me, the changes I saw in it. Was it warmer, more welcoming than before? No, of course it was only my perception of this place that had changed. Amazing how such a thing could make even a simple house seem so much different.

It was a thousand times easier to look into those beautiful cobalt eyes now. "I'm glad I'm stupid," I said suddenly, my mouth working without my mind's permission.

Heero's brow furrowed. "What?"

"I'm glad," I continued. "Because if I were smart, I never would have said it."

Heero knew immediately what 'it' was. He shook his head. "You aren't stupid." He leaned over me, hands on the edge of the bed. How could I not blush at his position? It was girlish, but his blatant interest in me was still... odd. "You're just smarter than me. Or maybe more impetuous." He grinned. "Either way, I am forever glad, as well. And better yet, it got Wufei off my back."

It made me chuckle, though that in turn made me wince in pain. Heero's face showed chagrin. "Sorry."

I couldn't help it; I reached up with my good arm and pulled him down until, thank God, his warm lips were skimming mine. I smiled softly. "I love you," I whispered.

Heero's lips twisted to echo mine. "You are my heart," he responded simply. And when my breath rushed out in a shocked whoosh, he pressed his lips more fully against mine.

It was the same as the first, as electric and life-altering as when I'd first tasted him.

When we finally pulled apart, I sighed. "I'm..."

"Not stupid," Heero supplied warmly.

I quirked him a grin, but it left. "They'll find out eventually. That Greaves failed."

Heero grimaced. "Caribol."

I nodded. I'd informed him and Wufei about the situation after the doctor had left in order to ready both them and Preventors. "Yeah. And..." I felt the twist inside me, the usual fear. "And I can't-"

"Of course you won't do anything!" Heero snapped. I focused on him again, surprised by the sudden anger. His eyes sparked down on me. "Trust us to fight! I won't let..." He seemed to need to breathe for a second. He closed his eyes. "I won't let you get hurt anymore." Those Prussian blue eyes opened to plead with me. "Don't make me feel that again. Please."

I gaped like a carp. Unattractive, I'd bet. "Heero, I... it wasn't about that... I mean," I mumbled for a second. "I don't wanna hear you say that."

Heero sighed. "I haven't changed, Duo."

I jumped a bit. It hurt enough to make me wince. "Huh?"

"It may seem that I've changed, Duo, but I've always been like this. During the war, it was a part of me I didn't acknowledge, and... when you first returned... Duo, I thought you were still hurting too much."

I frowned. "Hurting?"

His eyes slid away from me. "Because of the person in the poem."

_So forgive these broken wings of mine..._

I hissed. "Fuck."

He smiled sadly. "It was me."

I cleared my throat. "It-"

"Will you explain it to me?" Heero whispered, digging that gaze into my soul. "Explain... how you thought I'd left you behind."

* * *

And that, disturbingly, IS THE END OF THE PINK SAGA!!!

?_? Yeah, that's the end of it. Short, huh? But fear not! It rolls immediately into the Enya Saga! ...Because I suck at names and stuff...

Yay! Sub Rosa goes on and on... _ Thanks for all who have continued for so long!!!


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